Vampyres (1974)

Vampyres Directed by José Ramón Larraz (1974)

I believed before that I’d seen this film but probably confused it for a Jean Rollin/ Jess Franco joint.

But no, it’s the groovy cryptic bloodthirsty stylings of José Ramón Larraz. I’ve seen three of his other films Rest In Pieces (1987), which I loved, it was enjoyably demented. The others were Edge of An Axe (1988) and Deadly Manor (1990).This film is technically brilliant. It’s all here, the mood, mystery and beauty of the vampiric females and the cryptic countryside. The two uber sexy women are Fran (Marianne Morris) and Miriam (Anulka Dziubinska). According to Femme Fatales (vol. 5 #3) Anulka was nervous during the Lesbian make-out scenes and downed half a bottle of Scotch to loosen up. In the same interview Marianne mentions how most of the populous of Britain know her from a sexy jeans ad and she retired from acting to run her own business.

During a scene with a Brit couple, I spotted Sultana Bran which looks like a British version of Raisin Bran but enough about breakfast.

Just two scoops of Bat guano in your flakes

This Ted character played by Murray Brown looks like one of the borstal teachers from the movie SCUM (1979). He’s our main protagonist. Ted and Fran the vampire lady start bonin’ in the most intimately disgusting fashion. Where is this relationship going anyway, nowhere pleasant that’s for sure! 

Ted first noticing something is freaky with Fran

Next Ted wakes up with hideous gash and seems severely weak and hung over. But bloodsucking Fran is missing because it’s daylight and vampires or “vampYres” hide from the light, or do they? And how do I explain the scenes before during the day where the female vamps are hitchhiking in broad daylight, well I cannot! Maybe the film makers just discovered vampire lore or maybe “vampYres” are exempt from Bram Stoker shit like when Seinfeld’s girlfriend talked her way out of a speeding ticket. At any rate Ted is gonna turn, spoiler alert he doesn’t and his suffering just gets worse. Now it’s night again and Fran throws a party w Miriam her girlfriend and Rupert. So, it’s starting to get kinky, hopefully not Fred and Rose West serial killer kinky. 

Rupert didn't get the naughty fun orgy he wanted.

There’s a Brit couple I haven’t mentioned (the Raisin Bran folks) they sort of watch everything and pontificate. The blood scarfing gets icky to gnarly as both women (Miriam and Fran) slurp up a knife victim. This reminds me of Daughters of Darkness and would fit in the Eurotrash encyclopedia book “Immoral Tales” by Pete Tombs. 

Draining your veins for our pleasure makes us laugh.

The gals are once again able to walk in the sunshine like that Roger Miller song goes. Perhaps just after a fresh blood slurpee , it gives them protection from flame combustion by the Sun’s rays. Let’s go with that!  

Roger Miller will devour these chickens and drink their blood.

The vaginal wound spurting sex-o-delic fuel for Miriam and Fran made me wince a little. Squirmy squirm. 

The vamp ladies toy with a snotty wine critic and we see some ancient reds in the cellar. They play a wine guessing game with this fellow. This movie is one distinctive and original vampire flick. If you can handle the vampire mythos bent and reconfigured and the classy or overt sexual nature then check it out. I heard the film recently reviewed on one of my fav podcasts Necromaniacs and thought I would check it out. I watched it on Tubi and Arrow released the Blu-Ray.

3 1/2 out of five Lesbian vampire fangs.

Dracula's Greatest Love

COUNT DRACULA’S GREAT LOVE, Directed by Javier Aguirre (1972).

Hello from the TOG headquarters, Erok decided to hand the keys over to one of the head honchos over at The Paul Naschycast, because most of our writers hands were bitten off by the Italian shark from one of those Bruno Mattei rip offs. Take it away Troy Guinn and thanks for the fun review.

Rod Barnett and I are the hosts of Naschycast. Our first episode was in February of 2010. We were already the two biggest Naschy fans we knew, and realized there weren't any podcasts devoted to him so we decided to start one. In 2017 we did audio commentaries for 5 Naschy films on Blu ray. We have a Facebook page for the Naschycast, you can also find the episodes on iTunes and on Rod's blog site, The Bloody Pit of Rod. 

This movie first drew me into its haunted, languid realm when it played on late night television, at a time when I was just becoming familiar with Paul Naschy’s face, if still a few years away from truly appreciating his importance to, and influence on, the horror films of Spain. Perhaps it was the combination of absorbing a previously-unseen take on a very familiar and beloved classic monster, the exotic beauty of the actresses, and the hypnotic three-note motif of the main score at 2am in a dark living room that left me feeling I had witnessed something singularly strange among horror films. Repeated viewings in the years since have revealed CDGL’s not-inconsiderable flaws, and yet the qualities I appreciated upon first experience have retained their power as well.

Don't snicker at my lockjaw, I stepped on a rusty nail!

After the pre-credits sequence, in which two workers delivering coffins to a castle get a bit too nosey and are brutally dispatched by an unseen assailant, our story proper begins: A group of young people (four female college students and their male friend) are traveling through the Borgo Pass (never a good idea under ANY circumstances) when their carriage is wrecked and the driver is killed in the accident. The companions are given shelter by a reclusive physician, Dr. Marlow (Paul Naschy). During the days of their stay, the girls frolic in Dr. Marlow’s swimming pool, read books about Dracula in his library, and a couple of them even vie for the doctor’s affections. Over the course of several nights, Marlow’s guests are turned to vampires (and subsequently vamp others themselves) until only the doctor and the lady who has won his heart, Karen (Haydee Politoff) are left. Ultimately, the vampiric presence haunting the castle turns out to not only be Count Dracula, but his spirit has been inhabiting Dr. Marlow’s body and he succeeds in overcoming the doctor’s persona completely. Thus begins a complicated series of rituals, intended to restore life to the Count’s daughter Radna and requiring Karen’s sacrifice, yet the Count finds himself seriously struggling with a complication he hadn’t foreseen: ol’ fangs is IN LOVE.

live action dainty thrift store figurines.

Of all the films I consider “essential” in Naschy’s filmography, CDGL is easily the sloppiest in its narrative construction. However, it also just might be the most hauntingly beautiful in its visual realization. Before I go further, let me state that while CDGL will always be considered a “Naschy” film, the credit for its qualities (which are 90% visual) really goes to director Javier Aguirre and cinematographer Raul Perez Cubero. Characters do a lot of walking and talking in this film. Even when they are not talking, they walk…and walk…and walk. Yet, the foggy moors, the sunlit treetops, the mist-shrouded corridors and vampire’s crypts, even the shades and tones of the characters’ skin, hair and clothing make the film wash over the viewer like a virtually unbroken cyclorama of dream imagery. Then there are those moments of more jolting visual inventiveness, such as when the vampiresses leap from the ground onto a rooftop, or when Dracula drives a dagger completely through a hypnotized victim’s neck and fills a goblet with her blood while she stands there mute, feeling no pain. Both of these ideas, I’m pretty sure, were new to vampire cinema at their time.

ACCHH I paid extra to have coffin skin protection, not cool!

In extolling the film’s virtues, certainly much praise must be given to the quartet of actresses who are the lovers/victims/vamps served up for the Count’s desires: Politoff, Ingrid Garbo, Rosanna Yanni, and Mirta Miller. These ladies are radiant, too be sure, and in a genre where creepily sexy vampiresses are plentiful, the vamps of CDGL can lure, seduce and destroy with the very best of the Hammer Films vixens. However, I doubt enough credit is ever given to the performances of the four actresses and how well they convey the individual personality “types” of their characters. One could say that Miller is a bit miscast as the “timid scairdy-cat” girl, but not because of her performance; simply that with her fiery red hair and arching eyebrows (which suggest nothing so much as bats in flight) she looks like a vamp-in-waiting already. When she finally is “turned” and revels in orgasmic ecstasy and fresh human blood spilling from her mouth (and her victim’s nude breasts), it seems as if the real Mirta Miller has finally stood up. Okay, so no shortage of beauty among these ladies, but equally commendable is the chemistry the actresses establish with one another, believably conveying the dynamics of long-time friends.

Despite the ultimate great failings of the script, I still marvel at Naschy’s ability to bring fresh ideas to genre archetypes. In CDGL, we have what has to be one of the earliest portrayals of Dracula as a tragic figure, struggling between fulfilling the destinies proscribed for both his daughter and himself, yet dreading the need to sacrifice the woman he loves. He even sheds tears, and while Naschy is not technically the FIRST crying Dracula (there are those odd shots of Christopher Lee seeming to weep as he crumbles to dust at the end of HORROR OF DRACULA, and his tears of blood as he is impaled on the cross in DRACULA HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE), at least Naschy’s Count cries over the choices he’s made, not just over his own rotten luck. It is important here to note that CDGL prefigures Anne Rice’s “Interview with the Vampire” and the modern “Vampire as anti-hero” by several years. When Dr. Marlow makes love to Karen, it is seemingly this action that triggers the takeover of his personality by Dracula, in remarkable similarity to what happens to the vampire Angel/Angelus in the 90’s “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” TV series. Now, I’m not suggesting that Buffy creator Joss Whedon drew this idea directly from CDGL (though the film DID make the television rounds so Whedon could certainly have come across it); I simply take it as more evidence that Naschy was so often ahead of the curve.

Naschy is the genius behind The Werewolf & The Yeti, impressed?

Okay, enough of being nice. Each new viewing of COUNT DRACULA’S GREAT LOVE also makes me aware of what a face-palming mess the script is. That script…oh dear. Yes, anyone who studies this film is aware of its troubled production history: how an accident that injured a few of the cast members caused the filming to shut down, how HUNCHBACK OF THE MORGUE was filmed in the interim (and emerged as the far superior of the two films) and then work resumed to complete CDGL. Such setbacks can allow us to cut the film a little slack, but it can’t excuse everything. We’ll never know how many of the story’s flaws were there initially, and how much stems from the confused production schedule, but the impression is often of a film that doesn’t remember what has happened in the previous scene. Naschy commonly loads his mythologies with overly-detailed rituals and laws, but even a flow chart here wouldn’t help us understand (1) whether Dracula is a sadistic harbinger of evil or an avenging angel, (2) whether Dr. Marlow KNOWS he carries Dracula within him, or is unaware of his vampiric alter-ego (3) why, if Dracula has been dormant inside Dr. Marlow, has he still obviously been operating freely on his own? There’s no doubt it is Dracula who arranges the delivery of his daughter’s body and subsequently vampirizes one of the men who drop off the casket in the film’s prologue.

the negative reviews are in.

Apparently, there were intentions to film a sequel to CDGL that would have focused on Dracula’s resurrected daughter, Radna. While it is enticing to imagine how this never-filmed project might have turned out (just think, it could have been called COUNT DRACULA’S RECKLESS DAUGHTER!), I’m of the opinion CDGL would have been better to have lost the daughter subplot altogether. Instead, the idea of Dr. Marlow and Dracula inhabiting the same body and the one’s attempt to dominate the other could have been more cohesively developed, with Karen’s fate hanging in the balance.

SHHH, She's sleeping be quiet!

Then, of course, we have one of the film’s most odd devices: The elimination of virtually all dialogue once Dracula makes his appearance. The final act of the film instead features narration by Dracula while the cast all bare their fangs and stare at one another. It’s assumed each character is hearing Dracula’s voice via telepathy, but just why this method was chosen remains a mystery. It can’t be because the actors had difficulty speaking with fangs in place, because any dialogue (English, Spanish or otherwise) would have been dubbed anyway; and if the narration was intended to explain to the viewers what is going on, then it is so confusingly written that it ultimately achieves the exact opposite effect. Perhaps the film’s last third would have been better without any words at all, since its greatest strength is its visual poetry. If the last act had been fully relinquished to the dream-like series of images, it might have become the Spanish horror film genre’s closest equivalent to the vampire cinema of Jean Rollin.

Despite its flaws, I still consider COUNT DRACULA’S GREAT LOVE to be a lovely bit of cinema, and I recommend you let it take you on a stroll through its misty forests. The modern phrase of “Just go with it” could easily have been created to explain the seductive qualities of European horror cinema, and it could very well be the key to falling in love with COUNT DRACULA’S GREAT LOVE.

Night Watch

NIGHT WATCH (NOCHNOI DOZOR)

2004, 114 minutes, Rated R. Starring Konstantin Khabensky, Vladimir Menshov, Valeri Zolotukhin. 

Fox Searchlight. 4 stars.

BY GRAHAM RAE

Vampire movies. Let’s face it, if there’s a filmic subgenre that has been done to death and beyond and needs no further additions, it’s the realm of bloodsuckers, eh? I mean, look at the now-empty (ahem) veins we’ve seen it done in: silent mysterious monochrome (“Nosferatu”); lesbian softcore (“Andy Warhol’s Dracula”), blaxploitation (“Blacula”); gritty social realist psychological thriller (“Martin”), high school satire (“Once Bitten”), camp coming-of-age effort (“Fright Night”); roadkill movie (“Near Dark”); gothic melodrama (“Bram Stoker’s Dracula”); hell, even utterly bizarre (“Deafula”, the world’s first – and only - vamp flick signed for the deaf!). And I could, of course, name a thousand other variations on the immortal nightcrawler bloodgulper theme. You may think that this type of movie should have a stake driven through its flickering celluloid heart, its head cut off and garlic stuck in its mouth, but that would be before you saw “Night Watch.”

      Coming at us straight out of Russia and based on a novel by Sergei Lukyanenko, this interesting, entertaining bat-man tale broke all box office records upon its release two years ago and was the all-time #1 movie in that country for a while. The first chapter of a proposed trilogy (whose second installment came out last year), “Night Watch” presents us with an epic tale of (what else) good versus evil. In the Middle Ages these two eternally warring factions, as represented by ‘Light’ and ‘Dark’ ‘Others’ (have a guess which are good and which are bad) are having a gory go at each other on a bridge until, sickened by the wholesale slaughter of his troops in battle, the Light commander calls a Truce with the Dark one. They decide that forevermore the Light Others will patrol the doings of the Dark ones, and vice versa. The Light Others control the day and also make sure that the Dark Others, who become vampires, don’t go around at night breaking the Truce and committing evil acts

      Fast-forward several hundred years to present-day Moscow. Anton, a lovestruck man whose girlfriend has left him, tries to resort to black magic conducted by a witch to get her back and kill her unborn child, which isn’t his. At the scene of this would-be supernatural crime (and the magic-assisted miscarriage scene is a pretty grim one) a group of Light Others suddenly show up and arrest the witch for violating the Truce, and ascertain that Anton is an Other. Living amongst humanity are Others of both Light and Dark persuasion, seers and witches and prophets like Anton (“Just what we need, another fucking asshole with visions of the future,” intones one of the Light Others cynically), extraordinary people, and all must choose whether to go to the Dark or Light side.

      Anton chooses the latter and becomes a sort of Other cop, tracking down vampires who are killing people without being licensed to do so, using unsuspecting normal people as bait in a kind of entrapment scenario to arrest violators. That’s right, Dark bloodsuckers are granted a license to spill hemoglobin. Why exactly they’d be granted a license to do this I have no idea, but just go with it and we’ll be fine. Our world-weary protagonist’s stings lead him into meeting a kid who may just help set off the Apocalypse and he only has a certain amount of time to save the kid before the world melts down. So he gives it his best shot. And various chaotic shit ensues.

this Big Red flavored Vape is fucking epic!

      Now. First off. The plot for this film is not all that original. It borrows heavily from the whole outdated Book of Revelations end-of-the-world scenario that deluded Christians have misread into the final chapter of the Bible, but it’s serviceably sensible. It’s a compelling enough film, and what really sets it apart from the also-rans is the fact that it is simply visually stunning. Cinematographer Sergei Trofimov’s visuals are utterly incredible, and this really was an eye-opener for me personally as to what they can do film-wise in Russia in the 21st century. I still tend to think of Russia as a grim, grey land of stagnation and decay and Red Square soldier marches and vodka-drinking denizens (though there is a fair bit of vodka guzzling in this film – they have a stereotype to live down to, after all) waiting in queues for, well, anything. “Night Watch” certainly stomped this lack-of-Russian-culture-fed preconception (though I admit to a certain morbid curiosity in seeing the 60s décor in the apartments in the film and the old phone in a nuclear power plant, etc). But they have the net in Russia! Who’da thunk it!

BIRTHDAY CAKE VODKA, BLECCHHH WHY DOES THIS EXIST?

      This movie certainly rivals anything the West can do visually, and contained so many neat, original touches it really made it a joy to watch; for example, the subtitles. They were done in a really cool fashion I personally never would have even thought about. People obscure them when they walk into them, they’re printed in MUCH BIGGER LETTERS when people are shouting in odd places on the screen, they are done in red and dissolve into cloudy water-dissolved puffs of blood when the vampires are calling on somebody…it’s a really, really neat thing, something I had never seen done before, and instead of being annoyed at static subtitles I actually found myself enjoying looking at them and the way they were presented. One thing I confess to finding funny was the fact that the subtitles were very Americanized – weird to see a 12-year-old Russki kid saying stuff like “My bad” like an American. But that’s obviously because “Night Watch” has been picked up for release in America. Indeed, Fox are apparently going to make an Americanized version of the film. It’ll probably star some bullethead musclebound homunculus like Vin Diesel and lose all its rustic olde-worlde charm that way, but hey, what can I say? It certainly won’t be any better looking than the original anyway.

SHHHH! Let me gently subdue you into a coma with my beef jerky breath

      There are so many other cool wee things I could talk about in this film. There’s a scene with a villain playing a videogame that prefigures, literally and figuratively, an end scene. Anton has a flashlight that…ah, see for yourself. There’s some gorgeous monochrome animation about a woman who is cursed and after that her gaze kills. Things camera-shake and fade in and out in trippy acid visuals and blow up and there’s a humorous scene where a kid is watching “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” and learning vampire-killing techniques from it (not as bad or cutesy as it sounds). The Light Others can shapeshift and turn into tigers or bears or whatnot. But you’ll really have to see it yourself to see what I mean. They mess around with the vampire mythology in interesting enough ways that you don’t simply feel you’re watching a retread of some other crap fangflasher flickershow. See this film. You definitely won’t regret it. You’ll learn visually about contemporary Russia and see vodka downed and a woman changing from an owl into a human. What the hell more do you want or need, a written invitation? Get on it. And I’ll see you in line for the sequels. Guaranteed.

     

END

FRANKENSTEIN' S ISLAND

FRANKENSTEIN' S ISLAND
USA, 1981
Directed by: Jerry Warren
Starring: Cameron Mitchell, John Carradine, Robert Clarke

Reviewed begrudgingly by Michael Hauss

One of my many standard procedures when reviewing a film is that I try and write down the action that's going on along with relevant dialogue to be included in the review. This film has so much inane shit to be quoted that I had writers cramps in my hand after the viewing of it. Rather than bombard the reader of the review with all the insanity that this movie packs all at once,  I will divvy it out so as to make the reader want to view this (wink-wink) trash epic and wallow in the insanity that is FRANKENSTEIN' S ISLAND.

The movie stars two actors who would appear in anything as long as there was quick buck to be had and those two are John Carradine and Cameron Mitchell. Once both highly thought of thespians who had slid down hill to working in shit like this. Carradine plays Dr. Frankenstein in the film and Mitchell plays a sea captain named Jason whose boat was engulfed by a wave and the crew washed overboard and he washed ashore on Frankenstein island, Jason is used as a blood donor, kept caged by the doctor.

Just watch this tepidly arousing meme instead, your brain will thank you

Four men and a dog are trying to break an endurance record in a hot air balloon when an odd wind blew them off course and they crashed into the ocean, eventually landing of the island. The men who are never really introduced are a man they call Doc (Robert Clarke), Mark (Robert Christopher), Dino (Patrick O'Neill) and Curtis (Tarin Bookin). They are met by a tribe of nicely groomed women who speak English and practice witchcraft in their animal skin bikinis and came to the island from space. Two old coots who work for Dr. Frankenstein approach the group of men and women and the eye patched old coot who laughs incessantly (Same annoying laugh over and over) tells the girls to be thankful for the mirrors they brought them, that explains the nicely groomed wild women.

Dumb ass, Jabronie and Donovan on a routine expedition . . . (sung to the tune of Land of the Lost) 

The two old coots invite the four men to the Frankenstein house and they accept, of course any man would leave a bevy of  half nude women to follow some numb nuts like these two, right? While waiting for their invite into the house the four men visit Jason who is locked up in a cell and he tells them his back story, quoting some Edgar Allen Poe as he talks and telling them they use him for his blood donations.

It's time for another lobotomy then off to the set of Terror On Tape

When finally in the house they are met by a woman in an evening gown who introduces herself  as Sheila Frankenstein. She explains that Frankenstein was her grandfather, but prefers her maiden name which is Van Helsing. She says that Frankenstein originated everything on the island including the power to paralyze people's arms on the island. She continues "Frankenstein set many forces in action and in doing so set his own law, he still enforces it by channelling thru my husband. My husband was an integral part of the Frankenstein experiments in the early days, the two of them travelled far beyond man's understanding of life and death, so very far that an unbreakable bond was formed between them, it endures today with one dead and one still alive."

Hey wait a min, I think I recognize that lady from Hollywood High, as the bestiality floozy

The men were brought here for a reason, not of their own free will. One of the four men is a doctor and his aid is enlisted in helping collaborate on prolonging the life of Dr. Van Helsing, who is two hundred years old. One thing I said earlier must be corrected here, the fact that I said John Carradine appears in this movie is only half true, it's only his fucking head, Carradine's freaken disembodied head floats around and is always saying things like Power, Power Power! The henchmen on the island look like the Joker' s henchmen in the old 1960's Batman series, wearing sock caps and Sun glasses. You know what this film is so fucking stupid that it's hard to fathom that anything could be this bad, honestly, it sucks. The gang of the four men eventually destroy a brain under glass that the big floating head of Dr. Frankenstein used to channel his power from and with the unintentional help of the original Frankenstein monster who escapes his watery cell in a cave grotto. The men have only enough time to flee the island and I kid you not, before the backup brain for channelling power kicks in and the big floating heads resumes his powerful hold. The four men make it back to some main land after building a raft and get a colonel to gather a group of his men all six or so...and storm the island. The only problem is that everything has banished except the dog Melvin, who carries a medallion to the men, one of the island women had worn the medallion.

PULL MY FINGER!

The film has zero nudity and zero blood, it was so mentally taxing that I wanted to perform a home frontal lobotomy on myself with an ice cream scooper to try and erase the effects this movie had on my brain. (Sorry Mike but that's what happens when you endure a Jerry Warren flick-Crank).

The most frightening thing about this film is that some people consider this the best work of the legendary schlock director/producer Jerry Warren who also made the equally incompetent films TEENAGE ZOMBIES (USA, 1960) and WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN (USA, 1966) among others. I must admit that the dialogue was so retarded at times I felt like I was listening to and watching some classic Ed Woodian film. My God man, this awful mess is without a doubt the worst film I have ever seen and I have seen some real pieces of shit in my time. Recommended to those who love bad movies and for those who are masochist.

WATCH THE RIFFTRAX VERSION ON HULU INSTEAD!

Vampire Hookers

Vampire Hookers Directed By Cirio Santiago, Starring John Carradine (1978).

It's been a billion months since I've watched a Filipino horror flick but this one is so retarded and fun that it trapped me like a fly in a spider web. John Carradine who scarily enough secured his dignity way into his 80's by appearing in awful flicks to pay his rent. He'd never punk out like his offspring David and go out in a blaze of autoerotic asphyxiation! It's such a shame that he died that embarrassing way but nevertheless I can still enjoy his work without that bit of grossness tarnishing the Carradine legacy. I just turn on Circle Of Iron and it all melts away!

That's right I got a stable of buxom vampire bitches

There's some badly dubbed hot vampire babes, one of them is played by Lenka Novak who I remember as the pretty blonde in Kentucky Fried Movie who says "Show me your nuts". 
Hold on a second cult movie fans, if you're thinking this might be another dull Filopinoploitation, don't turn it off just yet because none other than "Nathan Arizona" actor Trey Wilson shows up as a countrified sailor. I was never really a fan of this film genre until I saw Mark Hartley's excellent "Machete Maidens Unleashed" doc. 

Is that you Ken Jeong, you're so brave

After Love at First Bite, it seemed like the disco era wanted to capitalize on hammy vampire flicks. Just watch that movie now and try to convince me that it should've inspired anyone to bother ripping it off. I was shocked to find out this came before the George Hamilton snooze fest and was written by Howard Cohen who scripted Unholy Rollers and Sat the 14th (which is less amusing but almost the same in vaudeville style yuks).

Indigestion is for pussies!

I've wanted to watch this ever since I saw the ad in the first Psychotronic Video Guide and now Vinegar Syndrome has it available on a double disc with Death Force.

Carradine spouts lots of poetry and whines that nobody gets it. He constantly drinks Bloody Marys, he must get heartburn all the time! He normally bugs the shit out of me but here he's tolerable. The Navy caricatures of stupid horn dog sailors trying to score with any street skank seems pretty justified.  

A Samuel L. Brokowitz production

The round headed Pavo is played by Filipinosploitation staple Vic Diaz who's not a vampire yet for some reason but lives in the crypt with the rest of the bloodsuckers. I guess you could say he's an Asian Renfield, only he's incredibly dumb and doesn't know all the Universal Monster methods to exterminate the undead like garlic and crosses. He brings some into their underground lair and almost fucks everything up! Diaz was in most of the Jack Hill Pam Grier WIP flicks along with Sid Haig and also the epic Raw Force!

Stop trying to emulate Dali's " In Voluptas Mors" you're doing it wrong

Three girls rhythmically gyrate on a bed with their butts in the air and lethargically screw another sailor who I didn't much care for as they show pictures of Goat people in Kamasutra positions! If that's your cup of tea you may need psychiatric help or perhaps you are a 12 year old with no internet connection. It all ends with Pavo farting really loud and a hysterical soft rock number about how "warm blood isn't all these vampires suck!" 

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!