Assault! aka Satan's Playthings, The Creepers

 

Assault! (In the Devil's Garden, Satan's Playthings, The Creepers) Directed by Sidney Hayers. Starring Suzy Kendall. (1971).

On the T.V. critic review show Sneak Previews, Roger Ebert picked this one for "Dog of the week". I've most certainly seen worse films and this one sure is underwhelming. I like its alternate title "Satan’s Playthings", it has a nicer ring to it instead of Assault! or In the Devil's Playground. This title was elusive before to this critic but recently showed up on the Fox owned trash palace that is Tubi! Practically all the movies that were circulated on videotape in the 90's and traded in underground zines are all on Tubi to be enjoyed for free. Make sure to hook up an add blocker on your laptop!

Look out for rapists Nancy Drew!

 The Assault! cinematography byKen Hodges is lush and ooh so British. This film is centered around a boarding school with all females.The music is very jazzy as a poor innocent school girl is defiled in a pervy POV style. I recognize Frank Findlay as an actor I've seen in LifeForce (1985). Eee Gads, I say "Good Luck" to these police trying to find that elusive woodland rapist. The cops all have itchy looking sweaters and crooked haircuts. The cast is extra British which so far is not helping the pace or my interest level in this film.

ACKK! Who had Cornbeef and Cabbage for lunch

The art teacher gets her class to chant “Don’t forget to wash your Brushes”! Why add that? 

There's that Sidney Hayers touch of gentleness, I have a soft spot for this guy once I found out he directed a few episodes of Space Precinct (94-95), a TV series very dear to my heart. Circus of Horrors (1960) was another interesting film by Hayers so he's not all TV Shows and fluff!

I call it the haunted shroud of Jan Brady!

Girls just love to cut thru the woods in this movie which ignites high energy jazz! Julie West (Kendall) looks very stylish. Just two years before she was in Bird with The Crystal Plumage (1970). Kendall’s character appears to have seen the attacker bathed in red light. She moves in to stop the fucker but instead finds a raped and strangled female victim! 

I guess Argento lost my number?

One cop tells Kendall’s character to take a pill. I mean he fucking roofies her into a coerced statement.

Seems quite illegal. Scotland Yard rules I guess? Next, West (Kendall) claims she saw a cartoony described "Red Devil" with horns at a court no less! 

Andy Sirkis up to his CGI tricks again!

This movie is confusing for some reason. Some films of this kind are extra Britist in the style of Are You Being Served? or Dr. Who, Tom Baker era. The pacing of this movie is very loosey goosey.

Do not subject me to watch this film

The cop tossing the ball to a rape victim and them catching it Awakenings (1990) style is priceless. The 2nd half of this movie drags. For my review of Rituals with Hal Holbrook, I initially suspected that the title Creepers belonged to this title in the VHS catalog but that was a macguffin like they have in all good mysteries. Read my review for Rituals for any mass confusion. If you like these types dry Brit biscuits thrillers then give this one a whirl. I found it tedious and pointless!

AVAILABLE ON TUBI  (Hard to find physical media version).

Matt Gaetz at it again?