Emanuelle and the Porno Nights of the World

 

Emanuelle and the Porno Nights of the World. Directed by Bruno Mattei (1978).

These Emanuelle films have the best scores! Fuzz guitar, bongos, ESL type lyrics, organ freakouts all courtesy of Nico Fidenco. There were some ultra sick vomit inducing films in the series. I was inspired to review this one after watching Joe Bob Briggs mention on Patreon in an old clip for The Movie Channel how much he admires this grimy, filth ridden thrill ride through hell and worse series! 

In fact the first time I saw Laura Gemser was on that very station, it was most likely during one of those marathons. They played lots of 70s softcore or heavily edited hardcore on cable in the 90s. Many of these films stuck in my mind and I had to revisit them, it's a sickness I tells ya!

let's get TRASHED!

 I like when Emanuelle (played by Moira Chen aka Laura Gemser), who hosts this mondo feature says "Even the nightclubs are controlled by the government"! Bruno Mattei directed this Mondo Emanuelle flick which includes a strip tease conducted next to a Great Dane on stage while people in suits gawk. The mondo aspects and typical demented shit that goes on in a regular Joe D'Amato sequel sort of intertwine. There’s no snuff like shit but there is a gruesome castration.

Shave and a nut tug doot doot!

Two dumbasses rollerskate naked to a song that sounds 60s Mod. RD Steckler had a weird rollerskating balloon porn as well, seems like it was trendy for a minute. There’s a magic act that includes a trans female with a giant dong! It caused people to start clapping in fast motion. If you enjoyed The Wild Wild World of Jane Mansfield (1968) then you’ll dig the hell outta this!

families love to admire that dripping hawg

At a supper club, a masked wrestler in a speedo and cheap cape does nude mud wrasslin with a busty gal. They appear as if they’re covered in feces! It looks wretched! A weird sex ed scene with Germans, penis pumps and a blowup doll is very off putting. 

This is a different kind of Outback Steak house!

They show a dick getting chopped off in some tribal ritual in slow graphic detail. I mean you can't have a Mondo movie without some dick hacking! 

There’s tons of more depraved shit for your brain to wade through. Is it worse than E-Man meets Cannibals or In America? Fuck no! I’ll say this, if you always wanted to see Laura Gemser show off her goodies while narrating an icky mondo movie then here ya go! LOW IN QUALITY IN THE SERIES BUT OVERALL A KITSCHY AND DEMENTED TIME CAPSULE. Available in the SEVERIN Black Emanuelle boxset. ORDER NOW.

    Ok Class now let's drop acid.

I can't believe this was a trend or was it ever?

Insanity (1993)

 

Insanity. Starring Simon Yam. Directed by Tony Leung Siu-Hung (1993).

This is one of thee choicest finds in the DR catalog. Thanks to Ocean Shores laserdisc and archive.org Insanity is here but is it worth all the fuss? Let’s all find out together shall we? 

fresher than a can of tuna

The film stars Dr. Lamb hisself Simon Yam.Yam is Tang Sau, a blazer wearing cop with a super needy wife who complains that he works too much. Yam's character seems to have a screw loose and keeps saying "How can I accompany you?" on the phone repeatedly. This dude despises his wife from the get-go and it's all foreshadowing for his toxic male behavior. Things get worse after Tang's partner is murdered in an alley.  

STOP YAMMER TIME

Next we cut to the Wongs, a nice couple fighting over their anniversary where a present of a ceramic dog is gifted. They are played by Kathy Chow Hoi-Mei and Raymond Wong Pak Ming. 6 months later the same couple now have a white poodle named Bo Bo and they pull up in a fancy car. They also have a stun-gun for their new suburb-urban apartment, which is located near an asylum. 

The wife’s mom brings in an odd looking statue that I recall seeing Simon Yam have in the beginning. Something evil is afoot me thinks. The statue bonks the husband on the head and he tosses it in the trash. Just like the cat from that song who keeps coming back the very next day, the statue returns! 

I'll be baackkk

The wife lounges in the pool but that fucking statue deflates her raft. The mom in law keeps trying to say its good luck but this is one ceramic nightmare that manifests into hallucinations at the Dr.’s office. We see green glowing eyes. Nothing really has merited the title “Insanity” yet however. 

My Tropical drink is Insane, isn't that enough?

This movie has lots of fortune telling con artists. I’m wondering if Simon Yam is coming back at all! There’s a whole blood donation wacky hi jinx scene that really sucked. Next Mr. Wong is freaked out by a masked dance routine. He is paired up with a “hot girl” provided by his employer? Where the fuck does this guy work!? 

2 Sex workers for every dude?

The mask sort of resembles the spooky statue.A killer dressed in white shows up to make things more irritating.Be warned sensitive viewers because there is a totally mean spirited scene involving Bo Bo the poodle.This movie is just hitting all the wrong notes for this reviewer! 

Bobo didn't deserve this kind of treatment

Simon Yam comes back wearing a grey blazer this time. Let’s just say his mental illness is related to the film’s title. He offers to look for Mrs. Wong’s partner (who is definitely not alive). Oh and now the cop who claims to help is having an apple carving spasm over the wife he (still) hates. Oh yeah and the white cloaked killer is still at large. They sort of try and establish that Yam’s character is schizophrenic but the screenwriter is out of thier element with this delicate subject matter. Man I hate how they showed Bo bo the murdered poodle to get a cheap gross out moment because it caused the trapped Mrs. wong to barf! They establish how unstable Yam’s character was in a dark blue flashback. The news report broadcasts how he’s on the lam. This movie was too convoluted and wanted to be two separate things which is annoying. Had Insanity been all about a mentally deranged cop and not gone with say; the haunted statue plot line then it could’ve worked. The film wants to be too many things yet is incapable of executing one solid thread or decent subplot. INSANITY IS ALL OVER THE MAP. Worth seeing if you’re a fan of Dr. Lamb because that movie is very mediocre in my opinion!

Madhouse (1981)

 

Madhouse (1981) Dir. by Ovidio Assonitus. 

What is it with Thanksgiving slashers involving twins! There are 2 separate movies about the subject, this and Bloodrage (1987. Reviewed here unfavorably by some doofus)! This is not to be confused with the Kirsty Alley, John Larroquette stinker from 1990.  

Trish Everly/Patricia Mickey plays Julia Sullivan a tormented redhead twin with a psychotic, pyromaniac knife wielding sibling.The music by Cannibal/Mondo main music composer Riz Ortolani is outstanding, there are lots of synth bubbles and shrieks. The eerie "Rock a Bye baby" theme is played. I can’t help but hear Marge Simpson singing it.

down will come baby toward an endless abyss!

Madhouse, which I saw on Arrow Video was a title included in the notorious Video Nasty list. This is a film I misremembered seeing, so I figured it was due a rewatch. 

If you’re looking for a double feature set in November with mentally disturbed twins, look no further! Ovidio G. Assonitus I’ve mentioned before as the scuzzy producer of such classics as Tentacles(1977), Beyond The Door (1974) and The Visitor (1979) here he's a writer/prod and Director. He’s gone full bore Russ Meyer up in these boobs! 

Boobs Schmoobs, I'm more of an ass (on-itus)-man!

During the brutal "Rottwieller eats fat guy" scene we hear identical music from Cannibal Holocaust (1980). I guess Riz recycles!

Julia’s Doctor boyfriend played by Michael Macrae resembles Peter Dinklage with a mustache.The couple make out in a car as disco noises "beep".

I have gas that sounds like Atari beeps!

Every title card mentions Julia’s birthday sort of like a countdown.They introduce sinister preacher Father James played by Dennis Robertson hanging with a deaf kid and they both laugh about San Francisco! I used to defend that city but lately it’s been difficult. More like Meth city USA! Elon Musk, those dumb futuristic self driving cars he invented! Plus now he's the co-President.. Just kill me now! 

Co-President FOR ME TO POOP ON!

The Rottweiler strikes again, this time the deaf kid (played by actual child, Richard Baker) is on the menu! Julia immediately traumatizes a classroom full of his peers by telling them the news of his tragic end. They all sign special memories and react in horror.

Julia’s sexy blonde gal pal Hellen is played by Ralph Mouth's wife Morgan Most.

Hellen goes looking through the creepy house while a cat’s neck is snatched! Yank! The feline violence looks staged. Helen's death by the evil sister’s Rot is pretty sickening.

Now I know how Emily from The Beyond feels.

 Father James gets scarier and terrifies Julia’s bowl-hair cut friend (Edith Ivey) who hides under a card table! I’m not saying she’s asking for it, that would be cruel!  Robertson looks like Bo Svenson to me as he gets more depraved. It all ends with a "Deranged / Happy Birthday to me" table setting littered with corpse victims in party hats. Huzzah!

I'm so Happy I could shit!

I thought this film was quite enjoyable and packs a punch. Yes, it does borrow heavily from other films but that's what Ovidio does. This cigar chomping producer rips off blockbusters and this one is hardly original. Make sure you at least listen to the Cannibal Holocaust score before you watch this one! Otherwise you might associate Riz' melancholy strings with a giant blood thirsty Rot puppet who reminds me (and Kindertrauma.com of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog). Available to stream on Tubi.

Assault! aka Satan's Playthings, The Creepers

 

Assault! (In the Devil's Garden, Satan's Playthings, The Creepers) Directed by Sidney Hayers. Starring Suzy Kendall. (1971).

On the T.V. critic review show Sneak Previews, Roger Ebert picked this one for "Dog of the week". I've most certainly seen worse films and this one sure is underwhelming. I like its alternate title "Satan’s Playthings", it has a nicer ring to it instead of Assault! or In the Devil's Playground. This title was elusive before to this critic but recently showed up on the Fox owned trash palace that is Tubi! Practically all the movies that were circulated on videotape in the 90's and traded in underground zines are all on Tubi to be enjoyed for free. Make sure to hook up an add blocker on your laptop!

Look out for rapists Nancy Drew!

 The Assault! cinematography byKen Hodges is lush and ooh so British. This film is centered around a boarding school with all females.The music is very jazzy as a poor innocent school girl is defiled in a pervy POV style. I recognize Frank Findlay as an actor I've seen in LifeForce (1985). Eee Gads, I say "Good Luck" to these police trying to find that elusive woodland rapist. The cops all have itchy looking sweaters and crooked haircuts. The cast is extra British which so far is not helping the pace or my interest level in this film.

ACKK! Who had Cornbeef and Cabbage for lunch

The art teacher gets her class to chant “Don’t forget to wash your Brushes”! Why add that? 

There's that Sidney Hayers touch of gentleness, I have a soft spot for this guy once I found out he directed a few episodes of Space Precinct (94-95), a TV series very dear to my heart. Circus of Horrors (1960) was another interesting film by Hayers so he's not all TV Shows and fluff!

I call it the haunted shroud of Jan Brady!

Girls just love to cut thru the woods in this movie which ignites high energy jazz! Julie West (Kendall) looks very stylish. Just two years before she was in Bird with The Crystal Plumage (1970). Kendall’s character appears to have seen the attacker bathed in red light. She moves in to stop the fucker but instead finds a raped and strangled female victim! 

I guess Argento lost my number?

One cop tells Kendall’s character to take a pill. I mean he fucking roofies her into a coerced statement.

Seems quite illegal. Scotland Yard rules I guess? Next, West (Kendall) claims she saw a cartoony described "Red Devil" with horns at a court no less! 

Andy Sirkis up to his CGI tricks again!

This movie is confusing for some reason. Some films of this kind are extra Britist in the style of Are You Being Served? or Dr. Who, Tom Baker era. The pacing of this movie is very loosey goosey.

Do not subject me to watch this film

The cop tossing the ball to a rape victim and them catching it Awakenings (1990) style is priceless. The 2nd half of this movie drags. For my review of Rituals with Hal Holbrook, I initially suspected that the title Creepers belonged to this title in the VHS catalog but that was a macguffin like they have in all good mysteries. Read my review for Rituals for any mass confusion. If you like these types dry Brit biscuits thrillers then give this one a whirl. I found it tedious and pointless!

AVAILABLE ON TUBI  (Hard to find physical media version).

Matt Gaetz at it again?

Fangoria's Weekend of Horrors

 

Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors. Directors Kerry O Quinn/Mike Hadley. (1986). 

I rented this on VHS back in the day. Just like Terror in the Aisles it gave you a crash course in gore movies. This promotion video showcases the greatest horror, monster special effects make-up magazine in existence (at least to this writer)! 

At first we’re greeted by one of the M.C.'s Mr. Chas Balun who proclaims this is Fango in 3D! Balun if you weren't aware was a writer and film critic for the influential magazine. This man is also the sole reason I discovered so many underground flicks from around the globe. His impact reaches into today's technological world because companies like Grindhouse Releasing and Vinegar Syndrome often churn out upgraded versions of trash Chas bootlegged off a laserdisc and dubbed onto a VHS tape in the 90s. 

Bitchin' 90s high tech shit!

There’s some prime convention nerd people watching in this videotape, which I saw on Internet Archive. The ravenous fans are here to see all the usual Fango faves like Freddy Krueger, Tobe Hooper and Elvira. The con is all presented by publisher Kerry O’ Quinn who wears a cheap looking pastel banded hat. He says "You people seem too normal to be into blood and guts"! "How insulting dude"!

Just took a paycheck, never looked at an issue. Too scary.

When I initially saw this video, I remember thinking they couldn’t show enough Nightmare on Elm Street clips to my satisfaction!

Howard Kaylan from The Turtles even gets Robert Englund’s signature—I shit you not! 

Flo and Eddie more like Flo and Freddy

 

Craig Reardon the FX artist does foam latex appliances on people. His impressive work ranges from Deep Space Nine(1993) to The Gate (1987).

 

Oh, I should mention I spotted Deep Red interview specialist and "shit flix expert" Kris Gilpin in the crowd. Read some of his past reviews here.

Kris is on the right next to someone in a purple jacket.

A young Rick Baker gives advice on breaking into the horror biz. Next we enter the Star Trek portion of the tape. One of my fav random weirdos is Nichelle Nichols former con booker. He's covered in buttons and has two homemade antenna protruding from his head.

I wasted my life (SIGH).

Chekov (Walter Koenig) and son show up and say "They love Monsters", which is just nice! 

John Carl Buechler (1952-2019 R.I.P.) briefly introduces himself as the director of Troll (1986) and we see a clip.I rented the movie he directed at a grocery store in Florida and absolutely loved it! That film has Harry Potter and Harry Potter jr., sound familiar? There are tons of people who saw the sequel first but I'm not one of them. Buechler is so much more to me than merely Troll (86). I love his warped looking Ghoulies (1985), the GPK Movie (1987) and The Cellar Dweller (1988). 

Demonic Toys and Seed People, can't all be gems!

 The stunningly attractive Jewel Shepard gushes over Dan O Bannon’s ROTLD in front of a Young Sherlock Holmes (1986) cardboard ad. Anytime I see O’ Bannon I can’t but think of him as the space hippie in Dark Star (1974). 

I'd jump his bones!

Forrest Ackerman talks about his famous mansion and all the collectables. 

Jenny Aspinal who mentions her first film was The Toxic Avenger (1984, which makes her Toxies mommy)! She just finished Street Trash (1985). Gosh, she’s so talented. Erok dissolves into a puddle of envy and admiration. 

AHHH She's soo fuggin' cool!

Whew, OK I’m back. Next up to the podium is Elvira who thinks Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978) is thee worst flick she’s ever seen. I heard she refused to host Cannibal Ferox (1980) on Thriller vid. Whatever, her loss. 

Quit talkin shit about my woman!

Next is Steve Miner’s House (1985) with William Katt who appears to sign headshots. I love the William Stout designs for Big Ben (Richard Moll's character). Miner seems very cranky and later on ditched horror for shit like Dawson's Creek (1998-03) and (GASP) Soul Man (1986)!

Tobe Hooper who holds a big ass cigar, gives low budget film advice. There are clips of a few shorts films and awards are given. Hooper later on talks about recreating segments from Invaders from Mars (1986). 

Clu Gulager, yet another ROTLD alum speaks. He says horror gives him an erection! Ha!

Alex Gordon, whom I remember as the guy who writes the Pit and Pen articles on classic horror for Fango. Stan Winston is briefly interviewed about the effects. Dick Miller shows up for a few mins. One Freddy Krueger superfan applies their own makeup and mentions how they get an adrenaline high off chasing people in costume.

Yo! I get high on my own supply

I’m glad to see Fangoria evolve into this new LGTBQ plus friendly magazine. It's quite remarkable. I read in Bill Landis’ biography (given to me by my pal Rob Fletcher), that in the late 70's Landis wanted Bob Martin head honcho of Fangoria to allow gay porn reviews. Unc Bob freaked and it soured their relationship. It’s insane how ahead of his time Bill Landis was even if he was kind of a wacko. He was also a gay stunt cock but that’s spoiling the book, read it yourself. 

I love Fangoria with all my heart and soul. I have 3 plastic bins full of 70s. 80s and 90's issues under my bed right now! I wanted to work as Tom Savini's apprentice at some point in my preteens. Support the magazine, be on the right side of history. Watch this time capsule right now I highly recommend YOU GET UNDER THE INFLUENCE BEFOREHAND. 

WATCH HERE

Hatchet for a Honeymoon

Hatchet for a Honeymoon. Directed by Mario Bava. (1970).

I saw this once before long ago and remember liking it. It’s a title from Chas’ catalog so it’s a long overdue review. Here we go! 

The credits give off a Rankin Bass drenched in blood vibe. This is of course the master of the macabre Mario Bava. Tarantino once gave him a lifetime achievement award!

A meatclever murder happens on a speeding train as John (played by Stephen Forsyth) a self described psycho hates his current wife and killed 5 before her. Mildred his bride played by Laura Betti warns that she’ll never grant him a divorce! John is in the fashion business, so lots of models show up, however this dude is preoccupied with some mannequin hanky panky to care. The psychedelic score is pretty jarring and nail biting. 

Egg sucking psycho! (I wonder if this influenced Angel's (1983) mom fixated creep)

At a seance Mildred (Betti) has a very dramatic hysterical fit. These types of spectral events never work out in most situations unless it’s Patrick Swayze in Ghost (1990). Forsyth's character, the meatcleaving weirdo has a really snazzy garden with roses and flapping parrots. He has a creepy wedding murder fetish and claims a new victim played by Femi Benussi. They play lots of fuzz guitar during this scene. 

Goth enough for ya?

Frank puts on a wedding dress and lipstick as this point. I did doze off a little during this film but I was smoking some herb maaann.I used to not really care for Giallos but this one was very entertaining. The subgenre has become more appealing to me ever since I heard that Uncle Acid and The Deadbeats album Nell' Ora Blu. Bava fans or Giallo puddin' heads will most likely lose their minds over this flick.

Redemption and Kino put out a DVD and it's also streaming on Tubi.

BUY HERE

Mildred is so drama

Wild guess, Mommy issues?

Trick or Treat (1986) 2024 Blu/4K Re-release

Super Fan Alert!

Trick or Treat (1986) Dir Charles Martin Smith. 

Now here is a perfect Heavy Metal “Halloween” themed horror treat that can’t be beat! "Hey what am I the corpse of Gene Shalit"? Wait, don’t tell me he’s still alive! No, its Erok forcing himself to write once again now that we’re in the future of 2024 and all the rare films of the past are now available in pristine format. 

Synapse Films really brought out the colors and majesty of Trick or Treat, a film I’ve watched over 100 times. Why am I so obsessed with this particular Satanic Panic infused flick that features a flamboyant barbecued rocker named Sammi Curr? You tell me, just go and watch it right now I’ll wait. If you’re not sold on this one just stop reading here. 

Sammi Curr Lives

I initially saw this in middle school and related to it hardcore because I basically was Ragman! I still wear flannels and horror movie graphic tees and eat Twinkies. I currently own the VHS Tape and remember when the cheesy DVD from Target came out with the goofy photoshop clip art of Ozzy and Gene Simmons. That was the only legit version available before until now that is. 

Not available as an alternate cover thankfully.

This movie planted the seed and it made me wonder if I played certain records backwards (like a rare acetate),could you conjure up the dead? We pondered this theory on me and Bobby Hazzard’s podcast Five Minutes After Midnight. This radio show is no longer available because hosting got too pricey. We almost go to the end of the movie, maybe just credits left.

Eddie Weinbauer (played to perfection by Marc Price aka Skippy from Family Ties steals the show and I really had empathy for his situation). I mean he is viciously humiliated by these brutal tyrannical thugs! There are “New Wave” Jocks in this film, a concept I’ve seen in a few others teen flicks like “Just one of the Guys” but none as menacing as Tim Hainey (played by Doug Savant from Melrose Place). These jerks despise heavy metal and their school is basically a warzone where Eddie and his crummy friend Roger (played by Glen Morgan writer and director of the Black Christmas remake) have to battle their way through. 

Shops at Retail Slut!

Sammi communicates byway of the acetate record “Songs in the Key of Death” and all of his advice starts to benefit Eddie. One of the oddest and horniest scenes happens with nubile actress Elise Richards who listens to a dubbed recording sent to Tim as a “Peace Offering”. Green fumes envelope her nude body and a giant demon puppet slobbers and melts her ears off. 

Skeezix the demon with FX Wizard Kevin Yagher (Nightmare 2, Child's Play, 976-EVIL)

I have to mention the soundtrack by Fastway to me it fits perfectly with every scene. The way Tony Fields twirls and lip synchs on stage is just shockingly infectious. Fields early demise from the AIDS epidemic was a tragic loss. The dance scene is a highlight and has never looked better than on this new Blu-ray. I always wondered if the singer of Fastway, who went onto Flogging Molly prevented the release because of music issues. Who knows what the hold up was but it doesn’t really matter now. 

 I’m really glad that this film in finally available in all it’s glory from Synapse Films. The package comes with a lot for fans of this film. There’re cool lobby cards, a Sammi Curr poster, booklet and tons of interviews and commentary tracks. Marc Price and Elise Richards are featured but sadly No Leslie (Lisa Orgolani or Doug Savant). I’m sure a standard edition will be out soon. I would highly recommend owning this film in any format. HAIL SAMMY CURR! BUY OR DIE. PLAY THIS TAPE OR DIE!

AVAILABLE SOON IN STANDARD FORMAT.