This week is all about that jolt of freaky fondness your brain waves crave like so much dopamine when we bring back the RETURN OF USA UP ALL NIGHT WEEK!
So, for those who have no idea about this influential show (which by the way has nothing to do with Chas Balun or Deep Red at all and is a shameless attempt to gain up more followers and attention).
This year made me long to tackle the show again, since the VHS vault has been scraped heavily and there’s lots of bimbos, dimwits and drooling carnivorous mutant films to cover.
So, this week get baked, drunk or pop pills and wax all nostalgic like on the early 90's when horror hosts reigned supreme and the airwaves were invaded by freaks like Commander USA, Svengoolie, the ever-popular Elvira. And Joe Bob Briggs on Shudder carries the torch and remains thee most popular Horror Host still going strong.
Rhonda Shear and Gilbert Gottfried R.I.P. (Feb. 28-1955/April 12-2022) are who we are celebrating this week. Don't forget to support Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast.
So on with the review.
This is a USA UP ALL NIGHT staple that just came out on Blu-ray a few years ago packed with extras like Peaches Christ commentary. Make sure to pick it up https://vinegarsyndrome.com/products/reform-school-girls.
Reform School Girls is Tom Desimone’s third WIP film (previous ones were Concrete Jungle (1982) and Hell Hole (1985). He also worked in the early days of gay porn, made Hell Night (1981) and Chatter Box (1977) with Candice Rialson (Pets (1973), Hollywood Boulevard (1976).
Wendy O’s titular theme song plays over the credits. This is an instant kinetic classic that uses the tride and true early exploitation methods. It’s a beloved spoof of WIP films with teenage delinquent elements. The soundtrack is killer. Etta James even does a song, she’s one of the ultimate bad girls of R&B/ Soul music.
It has the vibes of Chained Heat and Polyester, especially during the extra filthy delousing scene. “happy hunting pig!” spits one bent over jail babe played by Denise Gordy.
Pat Ast (who was in two amazing music videos by Donna Summer and Motley Crue) looks like if Edie Massey and Shirley Stoler had a deformed sexy sister who also resembles Nancy Parsons from Porkys (1981) and Motel Hell (1980). There’s some raunchy eye candy in this one, Linda Carol, a pretty blonde is the main dopey character who makes bad decisions. The year after she was in the Frankie and Annette throwback Back to the Beach (1986).
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| are sure, we smile with our buttcheeks! |
Wendy O is naturally super talented, she barks her lines most of the time. She starts the movie with a slap fight in her panties. I always retch a little when she spits out meat during the lunchroom scene. Of course, she’s chummy with Big Edna (Pat Ast’s menacing character). Charlie (Wendy O) wears these thigh high black boots even in the shower.
Terri the chunky nerd girl in many 80’s movies is played Winifred Freedman. You know the girl from The Naked Gun (1988) who’s driving teacher instructs her to extend the middle finger towards a trucker. I love that actress and scene.
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| extend that middle finger girl. |
I remember two things from that trip my middle school took to a local Florida prison in the late 80s. The police told us that the inmates made weapons out of anything (there’s a razor toothbrush combo in this film). When Big Edna (Ast) growls out “Fingers above the sheets”, it just reminded me that the police are too involved in the sexual habits of their convicts. Since both these prison elements are present I know Tom Desimone has done his homework. I have to say there are some realistic elements along with the lampooning. One childlike prisoner named Lisa freaks out when Big Edna ignites a toy bunny in front of her as a fear tactic. This triggers a really bad manic episode. Sherri Stoner plays the timid Lisa character, she is the voice of Slappy from Animaniacs (93-98).
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| smell the crotch rot stink on your Odor-ama card here. |
Sybil Danning shows up holding a riding crop as the warden. In Psychotronic Video (35/01) the director mentioned how the studio wanted to use her as bait for kids to rent the movie, which is ridiculous because she doesn’t go topless. This is one of those rare films where she decided not to go there. I found the signs that say “No Gum chewing” and “No Lipstick” goofy but amusing. Charlie (Wendy O) gets to work out and drink Ice Tea while the poor inmate girls have to rake the fields.
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| I add Natty light to my Ice Tea to make it extra yummy. |
They brand girls on the buttcheek with a circle and Lisa almost gets the coat hanger burn. She gets something worse, time in solitary.
This movie is well made but the first half has a serious tone. Don’t get me wrong, I love it but it didn’t crack me up like I remember it doing in the past. It’s great just don’t expect to howl with laughter.
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| You didn't laugh? I'll flog you Crank, you'll die! |
The Norton character played by Charlotte McGinnis acts like the HR dept. and both Pat Ast and Danning as the warden care little for the inmates well-being. McGinnis was a last-minute choice after Mary Woronov bowed out of the project, that aforementioned actress had a short but memorable topless role in Hardcore (1979).
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| in Hardcore she asked George C. Scott to pull his dick out too! |
A bunch of girl’s fake stomach cramps so the main girl can sneak out. Wendy O is aware that it’s happening and that’s bad news. One male character with a Danny Bonaduce vibe
actually says “Sit on my face and I’ll guess your weight” to Jenny (Linda Carol), how crude!
Lisa gets a really nice sizzle on her brand finally! I mean even her dorm mates agree that she needs to be broken in, yikes!
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| You think the up to the neck outfit was a message that no puppies will spill out this time? |
Wendy O is on fire during most scenes. Some choice dialogue is You’re all wankers! And “Let’s beat the shit outta each other”! Edna finally finds a stray cat that Lisa smuggled in and stomps on it. Her and Wendy are live action cartoons, everything about them is overly exaggerated. This film is just glorious on so many levels.
The death of a major character triggers a riot and the hierarchy starts to crumble. This is one of the best WIP movies in the top 5 at least. It has some of the sleaziest shower scenes. It ties with Chained Heat (1983) and Sybil Danning gets nude in that one, here she buttons up to her neck! I give it 5 out of 5 Delousing nozzles.
Don’t miss the insane ending where Wendy O rides a flaming death bus straight through the screen threatening to ignite it.
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| Wendy O gone but not forgotten! |
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