The Lift

The Lift Directed By Dick Maas starring bunch of chuckleheads (1983).

By all logic and reason a killer elevator movie should be as criminally inept as a bed that skeletonizes it’s victims aka Death Bed: the Bed That Eats People, but for some reason I was totally entranced in this movie. Maybe it’s the euro trash stink and irresistible dubbed weirdness, not sure but I am way into it. I remember an early issue the Fangoria I saw a review for this 1983 flick from the ubiquitous Dr. Cyclops, which could've been any writer under that alias. I've been meaning to check it out ever since. 

Damien in the Omen part 2 used his demonic brain powers to control an elevator and make it slice up Meshach Taylor, the flamboyant fellow from Manniquin one and part two respectively, into bite-size pieces. The Lift has an elevator with a mind of its own and murders anyone who innocently steps on.

Felix (Huub Stapel) the elevator handyman seems like a bad parent. Dick Maas (which sounds like a Gay Pride Xmas celebration), the director who made this film has one of those phobias that Lucy from Charlie Brown would diagnose and really he must enjoy seeing people fall to their  death from the result of an elevator crash.

Everyone in this movie is seriously unlikable it’s like a virtual forrest of all ugly branches.

I’m expecting people from the White House to show up any minute and excuse the elevator for the death toll.

During the hilarious decapitation scene, the head mouths something as it plummets to the bottom. I know my friend Rob Fletcher should include it on his next severed head celebration post on FB.

The factory that Felix works at reminds me of that Rainer Werner Fassbinder film Fox and His Friends. It’s all very German or possibly Dutch at least they don’t pretend like it’s US.

In 1983 a cinema snob had waay more options on films to watch, so I’m glad I waited this long to see this film. I always think about how I could go into one theater and see Return of the Jedi the same year this came out and another theater and see something better that’s why it pays to wait it out sometimes. 
Felix at one point rolls a cigarette like an old Timey cowboy or maybe it's a joint, who knows? He gets pretty close with this one attractive reporter though and it upsets his wife.

The weirdest part of the movie has nothing to do with an elevator. When the science guy goes into detail all about computer chips, it reminded me of once again of Idiocracy where in the future you have to be set up with the barcode or remain scannable.

The pacing gets really slow and not very rewarding but stick it out anyway. I was yelling just die already like Elaine did during the forced viewing of the English patient, maybe you will too there’s something to look forward to!

HIGHLY AND BEGRUDGINGLY RECOMMENDED.

In Harry Canyon voice: when she looked at me like that sheesh!

Please don't hurt me Mr. Elevator.