USA UP ALL NIGHT: DEATHROW GAMESHOW

Deathrow Gameshow (1987) Directed By Mark Pirro, John McCafferty.

Reviewed by Michael Hauss

I had seen this flick back in my mullet adorned days and enjoyed the hell out of it… Then again, I was a pimply faced deviant back then, who was a loser with the ladies, and if I was not watching movies, I was playing my own version of the game WAC-A-Mole... Anywho… This film viewed again almost thirty years later, is not as good as I remember, but for bottom of the barrel entertainment, it ain't bad... or good for that matter. Let’s face it, we all need mindless movies in our lives from time to time, to help us escape reality and these films with deficient narratives, tend not to overtax our over-used and tired brains. The movie is presented as straight forward as possible, it gets in the slow lane on the cerebral highway of life and does not pull off at any rest stops for piss breaks along the way. So, just get in, shut up, and let this low budget monstrosity get you from here to there.

artist representation of Mike Hauss' mullet

Chuck Toedan (John McCafferty) is the host of a popular television show called Live or Die, where death row inmates from penile... oops, I meant penal institutions, get a chance to win prizes for their loved ones, a stay of execution... or even possibly amnesty. Well, it seems that Chuck has many people who are in an uproar over his show, and more than a few people, who wish him dead. Chuck appears on a local television talk show, where he verbally spars with another guest named Gloria Sternvirgin (Robin Blythe), who is a feminist, and a strong opponent to Chuck and his barbaric television show. As his guest appearance nears an end, Chuck receives an onscreen death threat, that once outside the studio, is attempted and he is forced to drag Gloria into his convertible, to save her from harm’s way. The duo are now linked together and when Luigi Pappalardo (Beano), the man with the hit on Chuck, comes to the studio to offer Chuck a little protection from himself, things end badly when Luigi’s mother is accidentally thought to be a death row criminal, and is killed during the taping of the show, which sends Luigi out for vengeance, from which Chuck and Gloria must escape his wrath.  

A romance develops between Chuck and Gloria, which makes Chuck give up his gig on the show, which is a major cop-out from a witless, but decent enough narrative that was better in its current pattern, then to introduce a preposterous romance between two underdeveloped characters. The actor named Beano, who plays Luigi Pappalardo, while lacking in thespian skills more than makes up for it in the gross-out department, ringing true to when Gloria calls him the “Human rectum.” 

Rectum, I nearly--Duh what's the ending of that again?

The direction of this film is okay, I mean its limited and uninspired, but it’s so economic... it’s hard to say much more than that. All the actors are amateurs who just mug their ways through the proceedings, and for a film that plays it fast and stupid, vapid, is probably the best way to go. Watch it, forget about your problems, and don’t worry about any of life's kicks to the privates for its duration.

OW MY BALLS, that should be a gameshow.

While a bit of boobage is on display, it’s not enough for a low-budget flick like this, but, the ones offered are welcome additions, especially from the amazingly beautiful cult actress Debra Lamb. Mark Pirro, directed and was the lead actor, in the slightly better A POLISH VAMPIRE IN BURBANK (1983). Pirro also has a few other low-low-low budget flicks on his resume, which I have yet to see, and after viewing DEATHROW GAMESHOW, I will probably never will see; his other noteworthy (not-worthy) films include; CURSE OF THE QUEERWOLF (1988), NUDIST COLONY OF THE DEAD (1991) and RECTUMA 2003, Stop being such a snob Mike-Ed.)! The actress Robin Blythe appeared in the BRADY BUNCH VARIETY HOUR (1976-1977), as a Kroffette and also in Alice Cooper's amazing film WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE (1975) as the Bat Woman!