Blood Orgy Of The She-Devils

Blood Orgy Of The She-Devils (Female Plasma Suckers). Directed By T.V. Mikels, starring a bunch of nobodies (1973).

It begins with music that sounds like a Halloween sound FX record crossbred with intercepting Pac man chomps as two sleepy non-hypnotic eyes attempt to put us in a trance or maybe into a coma who knows? If you see Carl Zittrer, punch him in the throat for me! Then toe deep into this pool of garbage juice and sinew, an overly hammy actress who looks like the pretty version of Snow White's hag/wicked queen delivers her amateur off Broadway diatribe. Lila Zaborin, who plays the head she-devil Mara continues on and on throughout the film (she never worked again with obvious reason). 

YOU'RE GETTING A HANKERING FOR SOME DEL TACO, IGNORE YOUR BOWELS

I want to shut it off, but I've committed myself to reviewing this one after seeing it long ago on VHS and it lulling me into an ancient sleep that only an Iced Chai with espresso can revive me from. If you've read the Headpress expose about all the intricate details of Roger Watkins doe foot job/ Manson slaughter fest aka LHODES, then you know that he was on the set of this film because it was his first job out of college, he describes Mikels as an "absolute asshole" with shitty dumb people with no talent and that it was disturbing to him. 

Rocky Horror rape torture extravaganza! 

Bill Bagdad, a long nosed bearded character actor who resembles Michael Landon's sidekick Victor French if he fell off a tree and hit every branch on the way down. He's the main psychic's henchman. It cracks me up because he was also the Sheik from Head (1968) who says "Psst" and is subtitled. The same people from Girl In Gold Boots who I think of as fake Regis Philbin (Tom Pace) and busty Angelina Jolie (Leslie McRae) courtesy of MST3K, show up at a picnic. They materialize at the stormy house of the wicked witches' clubhouse. Mara screams and wails like she's trying to pass a shit brick! She does a monologue of babbling not making one bit of sense and uses magic to croak some dude. I feel like this homeless lady somehow convinced Mikels to write a shitty movie around her monotonous lunacy and he wasn't busy that weekend. 

OK, so here we are several hours later, whom ever wants to get into the cinematic brilliance of T.V. Mikels should avoid this shit all together. I gotta mention though when a Brylcreemer hit man shows up and blows entry wounds into all the horrid cast I almost stood up and applauded like Paul Mooney during Hattie "Mammy" McDaniel's Gone with the Wind speech!

Wait don't go I have so much more dialogue left!

Shit--they don't die, it turns out they're all reincarnated witches or something (I don't think even the filmmaker knows). Maybe if I take a 30 min nap something will actually happen. Regis and Angelina comeback and blab about white magic verse black magic. So far I don't blame my old self for falling asleep, even with all the caffeine on the planet, my brain can't get into this dull as boring shit! Instead of barf bags, they should've handed out smelling salts! 

WATCH THAT EPISODE OF WHAT'S HAPPENING WHERE THEY BOOTLEG A DOOBIE BROS CONCERT INSTEAD! 

nobody would bootleg this bullshit!