USA UP ALL NIGHT WEEK RETURNS: DEMONWARP

Demonwarp. Directed By Emmett Alston, Starring George Kennedy (1988).

Demons, Sasquatches they're interchangeable right? Everybody knows that! According to that other Bigfoot movie--you know Skunkape's favorite with Crazy Wanda, which was brought up for a heated debate, Big Foots and Demons are the same. Or maybe they're just the Ghosts of Demons suggested by my pal Paul "Sharkey" Vandervort--this is some high concept shit for George Kennedy to be involved in. Apparently he was only on the set for three days. Billy Jacoby, who you may remember from every other 80's movie in existence. Dr Alien was a movie he starred in that we featured last year on UP ALL NIGHT WEEK. He's wearing the same all denim attire that he had on in Just One Of The Guys why am I so sleeved out by denim anyway? I can't explain it! For more on Denim phobia, an ailment I suffer from check out my take on Flesheater.

Haha I got the last Toaster Strudle Pastry!

As far as Sasquatch-sploitations go this one beats the shit out of Willow Creek, that lame ass Bobcat Goldthwait one that came out a few years ago. I expected more from that guy and was a fan of his directing work. Scream Queen babe Michele Bauer is available, sucking down Smokey and the Bandit's favorite swill Coors! She shows up to liven up the woods and later on gets her chest torn open "Fuad Ramses" style in a sacrificial alien ritual. Stick around till the end to see that unexpected turn where they kind of throw everything at the wall to see what wacky wallcrawler will stick. By the way, whatever you do don't read up on this movie before you watch because the ending is spoiled everywhere (I would've been pissed had I not gone in blindly and check it out from a suggestion of my pals over at the Videojunkies site).

Of course Skunkape loves this flick, here he is in a shameless cameo!

While George Kennedy is busy planning his next Trivial Pursuit move and wearing his lucky yellow Bigfoot repellant hat, the hairy beast storms in and rips the shit outta his daughter and drags her away. After that they leave you stranded with some of the most annoying actors (including Bad Ronald's brother AKA Billy J.) but stick it out because it gets better. Skunkape and I actually watched this a few years ago and I completely forgot, either I was too wasted or just fell asleep. After George Kennedy died (1925-2016,R.I.P), I figured why not give it a whirl and I also recently saw a gritty 70's crime movie where he played a machine gun totin bad ass in called Thunderbolt and Lightning. In the 90's he was the spokesman for this laughable product called Breathasure that conned people into thinking bad breath begins in your stomach. In one ad he was trying to appeal to teens by saying "Pizza, Onions, Awesome!" And to combat that nasty garlicy mouth just pop these pills. Anyway back to the review.

I'm trying to appeal to the hipsters with my Paddington Bear costume

John Carl Buechler was supposed to direct this, he created half of the creatures and even wrote the script but bailed and made Friday The 13th 7 instead, (it's unclear why but that was obviously a wise move). Later on Michelle Bauer, of course, gets naked as the grinning mutant monkey peeps behind some leaves. The behemoth takes her friend and twists her head off (maybe he was pissed that she kept that bikini top on). This movie gives Bigfoots a bad name like its a propaganda movie that Harry from Harry and the Hendersons should rally against!

The racist message of this movie is killing me inside!

I was hoping that George Kennedy might've picked up the disease the cat from The Uninvited had, where he'd be equipped with a small cat (or a tiny George) that could pop out of his mouth and over power the greazy big ape. Unfortunately he had to be on the set of a higher paying production most likely it was along side Frank Drebin eating pink pistachio nuts. This movie brings into the fold of the concept of a "Were-Squatch" which is pretty fucking creative! Then it gets even more bizarre as a zombified Billy Jacoby does a super lame Christian slater/ Jack Nicholson impression. This film actually got a bow-wow rating in Deep Red but Chas still seemed to enjoy it. This movie is alot of fun and gets weirder and weirder as it goes along. I sometimes confuse it with Demonwind (which is also worth checking out), the same thing happened to me one drunken weekend where I watched Mortuary and Mausoleum and I still can't remember the difference--but I digress. Check this one out it's rad as hell and don't confuse it with a "Demonwrap" which is just an extra hot pepper mayo sandwhich at your local kitschy deli!

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! 

(Extra Special Thanks to Sharkey for collaborating over texts with some great jokes for this review. Make sure you check out his site and bands like The Teutonics and 3 O'Clock Rock.) 

No I'm not Cash Flagg but I will forge his name for 20$

Snapping into human Slim Jims