White Slave (Amazonia)

White Slave (Amazonia: The Catherine Miles Story, Cannibal Holocaust 2) Directed By Roy Garrett (Mario Gariazzo), Starring Elvire Audray.

This film which is apparently based on a true story has been on the back burner for a few years (every time I started it up though, I'd get bored or fall asleep). Let's see if I can power through this time around. I should also mention that there was no actual Catherine Miles and one of the Godfathers of Mondo, Franco Prosperi, who's no stranger to making up bullshit, claimed this was real just to create more publicity.

The derivative Cannibal Holocaust on ludes theme song that opens this flick is pretty funny considering Riz Ortolani worked for Jacopetti long ago in the 60's. Maybe Franco was pissed and wanted to capitalize on Deodato fever by using a ripped off version of the title track, who really knows? To me it seems deliberate, adding to the nonsense that this was a sequel to the Deodato controversial hit.

White Slave (or Amazonia) is the story of Catherine Miles played by Elvire Audray, a rich blonde who tells her story from a courtroom in flashbacks. She mostly scowls at the camera, but when she does smile, she has gummy baby-like teeth. She kind of resembles Sandal Bergman or a cheap knock off Olivia D'Abo.

Wait, there may be some time left to reattach my head, call the paramedics

I instantly recognized the voice of Pat Starke, who dubs Cathy from such classics as Cannibal Ferox, where she voiced Gloria (aka Larraine De Selle). Starke has been in so many Italian horror flicks such as Burial Ground and Anthropophagus, she does a nice job of elevating Elviria's stilted performance. Starke is sadly uncredited in many of these exploitation flicks, I think she deserves some kind of recognition and definitely should be as highly regarded as Nick Alexander (aka Al Cliver's dubbed pipes) and my favorite voice over guy Ed Mannix. 

Anyway back to the storyline, Mr. Miles, who looks like a bloated Barney Miller sails down the river with his daughter and wife. The family is quickly attacked by headhunters (not cannibals) with blow darts. Minutes before the incident, Cathy decides to crank up Radar Rider by Riggs (featured on the Heavy Metal soundtrack during the spaceman in the cadillac scene)! The fatal darts paralyze her for a short while and kill her parents. The Asians in awful bowl hair wigs take over the boat and decapitate her mom and pop (the fake heads are particularly lame). Next they inter-splice some footage of a real Cheetah devouring a deer, there's that famed Prosperi Mondo stink rearing it's ugly smell. 

I'm scowling so hard at you right now!

A violent tribe in white face attempt to capture the blonde damsel but one of them gets decapitated. Noone is ever eaten through out the entire film, so if you're looking for man eating savages, go look somewhere else! She's taken over to the village, bathed by the women and smeared with grease to smell more attractive to the Natives. They all barter and trade her for sex, this film totally preys into the jungle fantasy scenario--I mean she's a virgin, they all want to have their way with her, whoop-de-doo! She runs through the brush naked, looking pretty sweaty and constantly always seems annoyed, I guess anyone would be.

It gets worse for this uptight prude as she's defiled by some bloody bamboo and viola, virgin-no-more. The one aspect I like about this flick is that the tribesman (and women) are in charge and none of the headhunters are being humiliated or tortured by oppressive outsiders. I like how Cathy makes a flute out of bamboo and plays it by the river like Jen from The Dark Crystal. She always wears that "I'm not amused" face. She has a valid reason to have that attitude, considering the tribe keeps her parents severed heads as a joint trophy and have adorned their hut with the rotting corpse faces.

I got Gelfing Fever

There's a lot of naked Native girls walking around with full bushes, was Me Me Lai busy that week, why is she not in this film? In reality, after appearing in Lars Von Trier's Element of Crime, Lai stopped acting altogether.

One poor bastard as punishment for a domestic dispute is hung upside down while bugs eat his face off for a few days, it's pretty gruesome. I like how as she tells the court all the intricate details, they basically go "OK we get it, TMI"! I guess you could say I enjoyed this "Diet Cannibal Flick", there's enough going on to hold your interest and it's the least disgusting out of most others in the genre. 

It evolves into a reverse version of Man From Deep River as the female Westerner, trapped among the savages begins a forbidden relationship with one of the tribesmen. It takes half the film to get there, I'm also grateful that there's less real animal deaths than the aforementioned movie. Whenever they flashback to the court room, I like how it looks as if they shot it at a condemned DMV! Also the dude who plays the hunky Native has about as much acting ability as a cold Salisbury Steak.

Holy Shit, are you OK? Hey while you're awake, can you take out the garbage?

The village gets besieged by a helicopter flown by racist bomb dropping machine carrying maniacs. One exploding head effect looks pretty sweet! They take the remains of the natives and carry them off in a knapsack as if they were to be used later as Gordita filling. I should also mention that there is never any gut feasting of any kind (and in some circles this shit was passed off as Cannibal Holocaust 2 just like The Green Inferno)!

This becomes the first clue in how Miles parents were really murdered and she assimilates into their tribe. If you're a hardcore shock value junkie then you'll be bored to tears, but if you've seen it all and can appreciate a dopey Jungle adventure flick with a surprise ending, than give it a whirl. I (obviously) created the snazzy poster uptop because I thought this German poster for CH was just too perfect.  

WATCH HERE

Miss, would you mind clearing the room, we've got driving tests to hand out