Demon Lover (The Devil Master)

Demon Lover (The Devil Master, Coven, Master of Evil), Directed By Donald G. Jackson 1977.

I wouldn't say I'd call myself a fan of Donald G. Jackson, but his early work has such an endearing scuzzy quality that I find it irresistible beyond all comprehension. Mind you, I had zero information venturing in that this film had such an extensive history and every movie nerd had already seen the making of documentary "Demon Lover Diaries" besides me. Everything I knew about Jackson was through his attachment to Troma ("Frogtown" and "Nukem High 2" respectively?), plus awhile ago I reviewed his wrestling doc from 74 (and released in 85), ''I Like to Hurt People". 

Faster than you could subdue your worst enemy into a sleeper hold, that flick was yanked down from Youtube (Demon Lover Diaries which was also streaming for a brief time period is also gone). So I blindly started to review this flick having no idea that it had any connection at all to the banned PBS doc about racism and teen age dope smokers "Seventeen", which I'd just watched on Fandor and dug like a madman. Joel DeMott and Jeff Kreines made that brilliant film a few years after "Demon" in 1983 and went onto critical acclaim and infamy, whereas Jackson directed a film with Joe Estevez called "Baby Ghost" in 1995 that made me want to claw my own eyes out with a butterknife! So be prepared to have your eyeballs punched out especially if you like inept Satanism and dopiness because you're about to reach the epitome of stupid! Here's what excitement awaits you, adventurous viewer, if you stick it out through the film in question.

I'm Farting soo hard with all my might!

Some dirt farmer named Laval (Jerry Younkins), to use an outdated grunge term to describe a metal dude from the 70's with dead hair growing out of his scalp, awakens a pretty blonde with some black magic at his castle. On a totally sad and predictable note, Younkins is yet another demented Right Wing nutjob currently on FB (look him up for some mind-blowing hilarity)!

Here I was all ready to re-enjoy the antics of Scott Valentine from "Family Ties," but instead I got more than I bargained for with this dank VHS pick that had more notoriety than I could've imagined. The blueish tints and blacks mingle so much that it looks like a negative at times. Laval (who I thought at first was named Lavar, as in the guy from "Reading Rainbow") is busy controlling lost souls with his hokey demonology.

The Cowardly Lion and Bobby Liebling of Pentagram mated and had me

According to legend, the actor deliberately sliced off his finger at his factory job to collect the insurance money to finance this very project, if that's not bat-shit insanity I'll eat a delicious baked Alaska then take a long nap!  

Next we're violently tossed into an eyesore of wackiness so abrupt that it took a few rewinding just to register the gloryiness of the awkward people dancing and carousing. Let's see, there's the Zappa guy with a top hat, a Ramones reject named Damian, a pudgy midget and a Brad "two BBQ's" Delp looking bearded fellow. Lavar, the hesher with the dried out crispy hair (which is obviously a bad fright wig) and Toki Wartooth/ Fu Manchu type facial hair, bullies a poor blonde into partaking in a satanic orgy. His demeanor, shouting and cheesy leather gloves and grandstanding makes him look like a WWF wrestler (Don G. is definitely connected to all sorts of pro wrasslers but Younkins isn't one of them, he just comes off that way) My eyes were feeling a little too bleary but after watching just 15 minutes of this flick, I was hooked like a fish-- I mean its that insanely fun and clunky. After all the party goers bail, The devil dude finally gets his satanic wish and an ugly naked chick lies on the alter and assists him with some abra cadabra. He intones nonsensical shit like "Lingerama, Calga, whatever".

care for a Burnt Weeny Sandwhich?

This is the perfect movie to discover late at night at the crack of dawn by accident on TV, but don't get me wrong I'm grateful it's the future and I found it on YT. It's incredibly fun and dopey, the score is pretty good too--I mean that is if you like shitty casio ala-"Don't Answer The Phone" style noodling. 

A mustachioed cop named Frazetta pulls up to a donut shop and questions the counter girl about that Satanic cult (maybe everyone in town is in on the conspiracy). The characters and vibe of this film reminds me of the opening of Buddy G's "In The Name of" video, just metal dudes everywhere drinking, partying and having a total blast! People prattle on and on about how much better the real story behind this one was and I'm inclined to believe them, since I have yet to watch it. If you like dumb trash and obviously you do, otherwise you wouldn't be here, then trust me, this one is essential viewing!

This dude is the best!

The donut girl mysteriously kills her own mother in a car crash and then runs smack dab into a goofy cartoon devil! The devil looks similar to the Dio mascot and has glowing red eyes, it looks like that sub-creature would pal around with the plastic demon from Thor's "Rock and Roll Nightmare". Damien the denim wearing hooligan is against all the carnage that comes with worshiping the Devil and wants to stop Laval. He's a total sell out, sort of like the boyfriend character who breaks away from Horace Bones and his gang in "I Drink Your Blood". I realize that I'm giving this film a lot more credit than it deserves but truth me on some primordial level it's immensely entertaining.

Bought at a Dollar Tree half price!

Back at the station more fried dough eating authority figures with droopy staches and hideous glasses clumsily push pencils and make phone calls.   

One cop is so dumb that he has to look up levitate in the dictionary (I'm guessing he missed "The Exorcist"). It's time to get even more ecstatic because guess who shows up in full 70's fro playing a paranormal psychiatrist, it's Gunnar "Leatherface" Hansen! The headcheese eater plays a Dr. named Peckinpah, so clever aye? 

Hansen is so iconic for his signature role that he never really had to ever appear in anything else but whenever he did it's usually in a throw-a-way part. I've never seen "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" because I don't want to get Fred Olen Ray-bies but imagine Hansen just kind of shows up and collects the check, which is fine good for him.

Would you kindly direct me to the nearest meathook

Frazetta confronts Lavar at his "castle, where there's no hassle". Next we're abruptly tossed into a karate training match (the pudgy ponytailed main star wears one long leather glove at all times, even under his robe while fighting). He tries out his new moves in a bar where foamy yellow suds are poured and vicious punishment is doled out. There's a pudgy Dan Clowes looking character who always hangs out with the stoners, maybe he's their designated driver. I felt really bad for the Frank Zappa stunt double dude who gets an arrow shot through his crotch (Laval is in the background pulling the puppet strings). It all ends on a messy note with no survivors. I'm not sure how I can recommend this film any more, it's incredibly retarded and genius! The Onion put it on their list of movies where the poster is more impressive that the finished product (which is sort of true), but the movie was so fun it made my week!

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! 

is this to be the untimely end of Dan Pussey?