Bewitched

Bewitched (Gu) Directed By Chih-Hung Kuei, Starring Ngaai Fei (1981).  

You won't find any nose twitching, bitches named Endora or any Darren's or Dick Sargents in this Shaw Bros flick. This is an eerie moralistic tale of witchcraft and infidelity that takes place between Thailand and Hong Kong. 

   The director helmed one of my favorite Chinese horror films, Boxers Omen and is also responsible for Corpse Mania, Hex, and Curse Of Evil. He left an impressive mark on the Shaw Bros factory and unfortunately stopped working in 1984. It's been awhile since I've been this blown away by something from the infamous HK studio, so brace yourself! 

   It begins when a ghastly rotten corpse of a little girl is found in the park, discovered by a kid who chucked a Frisbee at the picnic site.

you feed the ducks, I'll feed the worms

   Investigators are sent to figure out what exactly happened. The man responsible Stephen Lam Wai (Ngaai Fei) is caught, put on trial and claims he killed his daughter while under an evil spell.   

   Then later on a drooling goofball who looks like a retarded Baby Huey, bashes a cop over the head and directs traffic. 

Say whaaaat?

   A spacious auction of prostitutes with numbers pinned to their dresses is shown. Bewitched is packed with non sequiturs and random flashes of pop culture ephemera (a nice Thai Star Wars poster is featured in the town square). 

Before General Coffington and Count Duku came along

   
   We venture back into the past where it all started, with an innocent foot massage given by the defendant Stephen Lam Wai to a prostitute (played by Jenny Leung Jan-Lei). 

   An indian song is heard in the background that reminded me of Kuntz by The Butthole Surfers. We flashback to when all of his problems started and why he murdered his daughter.

   The camera explores the natural and exotic scenery, it adds a chunk of filler that is oddly compelling. 

   Down at the beach, the same girl who received the foot massage, frolics topless in slow-motion. Her "client", the protagonist Wai, makes a decent effort to win her over and they set a date to reconvene later. 

Corona in the can is the beer of choice for 1981!

   Once he leaves Thailand, it turns out Mr. Lam thinks of his last girlfriend as nothing more then a cheap piece of meat and brags to office his friends about it. Something sinister is going on though and he becomes impotent with his wife back in Hong Kong, while taking a bath. His daughter starts doing crazy shit like eating raw pork in the fridge late at night and behaves like a vicious feline. 

   The message of "stay faithful to your paid escort" was hard for me to stomach. Are they really suggesting that forming a flimsy relationship with a Thai hooker is the best decision and the consequence is punishment by witchcraft? I'm pretty sure that's the message in a nutshell, the bad luck and horror that ruins Stephen's life is an allegory for that nasty STD he caught. 

If only I had a magic spell that could lengthen my stubby arms

   Lam begins to sprout ugly coarse grey hair on his chest, it's all the work of the evil Magusu (Hussein Hassan), a magician commanded by the vengeful hooker to possess his home and destroy his family. An old witch with big swinging jowls tell him to plunge a 9-inch spike into his daughters head or she will eventually kill him.

   He doesn't even hesitate for a second and while down at the park, he ends her life. An amulet is found by the cop involved in Lam's case, it emits a wailing sound and shakes the building, it's partially the cause of his torment.

   The scene where a "Vegetable Basket Spirit" is invoked by a horn playing sorceress in a cartoon hippo mask is completely ridiculous!

Special appearance by Heidi the Hippo

   A skull with a candle stuck in its cranium, levitates and a secret decoder message gives instructions. They must obtain some corpse oil from a pregnant women on a full moon. Not even a minutes goes by as we're hurled into some eye popping Shaw Bros style of fetid disgusting shit! A bloated corpse with a full bely sits up and hocks up green dribbly mucus into a small pot (probably for dunking dim-sum later).

Can I please have your autograph Mr. Leatherface

   With this Petey Wheatstraw type hokum (burning maggots, unconventional twig hippo faced witchcraft) we see how the amulet afflicted Stephen and his raw pork feasting daughter.  

   I love how they mix and match religious culture with Buddhism in these Black Magic films.

They enlist a Buddhist monk to help, he casts a magical bat spell, using his wheel of cartoon animals.

The inspiration for the popular UHF gameshow, Wheel Of Fish

   He beats the shit out of the evil sorcerer from afar and a "Bat-shit crazy" war of mental telepathy ensues. 
   The Thai, Durian eatin, massage foot- enjoying hooker has been responsible for all of Stephen's problems and won't rest until he dies a slow painful death.

   There's a bucket of baby entrails soup and a paint by number idol--just in case you're wondering if you should bother to check out Bewitched.

it comes with a free Frogurt!

   One of the most stomach churning spell by far is the Worm Spell, as each one is laid out and orchestrated in the film (just in case you'd like to try them at home)! The Lemon Spell surprisingly enough has the most "real" animal violence attached. The spells get really nasty and volatile until the final death knell has rung out. 

   The inspectors are not even safe from the wraith of the evil warlock or his Durian eating lady friend. 

   Bobby the main officer, takes the worst of the brunt and starts eating raw pork too, which is a tell tale sign of possession.

This Chinese Pizza is difficult to make

   Retarded Baby Huey returns at the end, this time with a gun and shoots a couple of kids. It all ends like a PSA against witchcraft and casual sex-- I couldn't ask for a more gratifying ending. Top notch film! Good luck finding a copy, film fanatics usually have a good source (I saw it for sale on Ebay). 
     
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!