Family Enforcer

Family Enforcer (Death Collector) directed by Ralph Devito Starring Joe Cortese. (1976)

Before Joe Pesci was stabbing other mooks with pens and crushing heads in vices, he was a struggling actor and part time Doo Wop singer (believe it or not)! He's not even the star of this Wopsploitation vehicle (sorry to "borrow" your invented term Stefano)!

   The guy getting all the action is Jerry Bolanti (played by Joe Cortese), he's an unhinged, feathered haired low life street thug. 

   There's so many authentic gritty New York 70's Italian Americans, that this film instantly speaks to my marinara filled veins, it's the reason I loved Massacre Mafia Style so much!

   There's some really choice dialogue too like "Hey College Boy! Go Walk Your Poodle Before I Get Really Mad And Bite Your Nose Off! Speaking of Poodles, remember when they cooked Jolly's Poodle in Massacre, fugget-a-boutit! 

   The soundtrack has that same dime-store hammond sound that the Deep Throat one.

Jerry's errands include racing around the mean streets of Jersey, paying respects to gambling lounges and target practice in the junkyard, he seems to have it made!

Once again, I get over shadowed by some taller mook

    Joe Pesci (who plays a guy named Joey Boombats) is hanging out at the wood panel lounge cluttered with goombas taking bets. He fucks up and intimidates Buddy Scalizzi, who's dad is obviously a teflon don and his mentor warns him not to start up another Vietnam (in Joisey of all places)!

   Jerry is such a dumb ass hood with balls the size of an On-cor family sized meal, don't forget to invite Al from Happy Days over!

   According to an unauthorized biography about Deniro by Andy Dougan, Pesci walked away from acting after this minor role and ran a restaurant for awhile. Deniro apparently saw Family Enforcer and got Scorsese to track him down for an iconic part as his younger brother in Raging Bull (17 Dougan).     

   Jerry has no ambition other than being a death collector and mob enforcer (you gotta be some kinda buttagots to not figure that out from the title)! The plot is that simple, but what makes Family so special is the authentic Italian culture that's injected through-out, its something you can't fake and its hilarious and endearing!

I'm not Ron Jeremy's stuntcock

Frank " Go home and get your shinebox" Vincent shows up in decked out like a greasy pimp with a giant afro!  Once Bolanti assumes his new role as a mob enforcer, his demeanor is more calm as he methodically takes out a gun and places it on the table. A shotgun is blasted from out of the side of Jerry's car and he gets shredded up pretty good, but doesn't die.

   His girlfriend patches him up and has to deal with his rotten attitude. Mr. Felashuh (Vincent) quickly turns into the main villain and him and Bolanti take potshots at each other. All kinds of hitmen crawl out of the wood work and they don't waste time in this flick as enemies are put to death.

Got any reading material?

   My favorite character is Serge (Bobby Alto), the dopiest Playgirl reading stunad.    

I love the part when they pelt this Italian Liberace with peanuts and he sings "Stop it with the freaking peanuts"!

Check out the cannoli on that fanook

   During the last 30 minutes the comedy is pretty great, but then it gets dark, as an assassin shows up to break up the party.

   The acting is top notch for such a skeevy production and it makes sense that most of the cast is still around working today. The dialogue has a natural quality and seems improvised at times.

   The audio and picture quality of the download from archive.org is horrendous and once Grindhouse Releasing puts out a restored version of this rare film, it'll be a long awaited treat!

Highly Recommended and I suggest you wait for the legit DVD release for the full impact, my ears were buzzing from the scratchy noises on the audio track!
Check out the GR Trailer

Kris Gilpin's IMHO Dept : The History Of Flem

Kris Gilpin, veteran zine interviewer, writer and satirist who's worked for Subhuman, Deep Red and Temple Of Schlock, agreed to join the ranks at TOG, here's the first of many projects to come!   

The History of Flem (by Learned Prof. Fabina R. Bacoo):

The motion picture was first discovered/invented by one Fonzo McGerk, an old and stupid Western prospector in 1888. He spent his entire life drunk and panning for gold, bizarrely all he ever found were old nickels (he was an idiot because he only panned at the beach, never on land or in streams), hence earning himself the nickname of "Nickels."

"Nickels" drowning his sorrows away

   One night he had an epiphany and, drunk on Olde Budd Draft, he found that if he lay on his back (trying not to drown in his own vomit, a la the notorious gunslinger Jeremiah Hendrix) and empty his pan of all his found nickels into his face, it looked like the buffalo on the coins were actually running toward his one good eyeball.

   One year later, with his pathetic life's coinage, he opened the world's first flicker theater, called of course The Nickelodeon. Ironically after his panning luck had finally changed, he choked to death on his back one night, from dropping too many silver dollars into his face.

   Then in 1909 wedding photographer Buster O'Petey was so broke (he lived alone on the North Pole), he was taking myriad pictures of the skinny rats in his igloo. After his air conditioner broke down and no A.C. repairmen were born yet, he broke into a sweat (astonishingly, he was too ignorant to simply open his front door) and he fanned himself with handfuls of said photos, discovering that it looked like the rats were all dancing and singing together, as if in a mini-midget musical. Twenty minutes later he was shooting pics of naked fish spawning upstream, reportedly the first example of filmic pornography. One year after that he opened the world's first drive-in theater, which naturally only played to sledfuls of dogs. He died broke of course, with his body ripped to shreds by the rats and his bones eaten by the equally hungry, beautiful Huskies.

The Rats Are Coming, The Huskies Are Here!

 
   And finally in 1919 Abel Fishboine, an unemployed Peoria statue, designed the first motion picture camera by accident (he had attempted to make a toaster), and found that if he recorded 24 photos per second, it created the perfect illusion of movement on film. Seven minutes later he was making films of his wife taking a shower, stinking up their outhouse, and movies of all the animals on his property "makin' hay" (he lived on a neighbor's ocelot farm which, being an imbecile, he believed to be his own).

Abel Fishboine later apprehended for mopery with a naked fish

   He later opened the nation's first AMC Theater ("Abel's Movies are Crap"), which showed first-run Adam Sandler films until 2001, when the entire movie industry died after Lindsay Lohan (in drag as Iago) and Rob Schneider starred in Tommy Wiseau's production of The Orgy at Othello's.

Coming Now..... The Apocalypse!

Bomb Disposal Officer: Baby Bomb

Bomb Disposal: Officer Baby Bomb (Chai dan zhuan jia bao bei zha dan), Starring Anthony Wong. Directed By Jamie Luk (1994).

During Easter, eager kids are in the aisles looking for chocolate, but instead find a ticking time bomb that neutralizes them and their parents in a hail or flames and carnage, Happy Easter! 

   Anthony "Mr. Ebola Syndrome" Wong is up to more wacky hijinks in this category II film. What's a category II film vs. a III, you say? This is the first time I've ever seen one and as far as I know there's elements of depravity, but mainly it means toned back violence and wacky comedy!

Wong in the rarely seen HK version of Pretty In Pink

   Wong has had an amazing career, taking roles as blood thirsty restaurant cannibal employees, wizards, gangsters, and now as a pathetic goofball (But thankfully his character is different from Officer Lazyboots in The Untold Story 2, one of his worst roles)! 

   His ability to fluctuate between extreme visceral horror to zany comedy is commendable. The goofiness is slightly irritating here, but I respect the man so much, that I'm willing to give it a chance. I prefer to see the offensive comedy in the case of Ebola, which is so repulsive that it makes it sort of tolerable.

the difference between Cat III and Cat II

   The bomb disposal suits the officers wear, reminded me of a life-sized version of Dig Dug. John Wu (Wong) and another officer practice cutting bra straps instead of the intricate wires on time bombs. He's this "Police Academy's" version of Guttenberg as he knocks over beer cans in a supermarket and loses big time in a bar game of Jenga.

Dig Dug Cosplay

    A sexy girl in cutoffs (the adorable Esther Kwan) changes a tire and they objectify her and don't lift a finger to help. It's odd seeing Wong in this type of Jackie Chan buffoonery.

She's so fuggin adorable

   There's a retarded Bible study sing-a-long during a party where everyone hugs each other and the two officers are confused by the Christian bible. They get so bored by the prayer circle that they make up any excuse to bail.

   This is the kind of bomb squad that was nowhere near during the Boston bombing thankfully!

Christians sure can rock!

   They go back to the same bar as the Jenga contest and start up an orange squeezing contest, where the loser has to buy everyone in the house drinks.

   Their captain explodes after opening a suspicious envelope and they turn his full body cast into another opportunity for more tasteless jokes!

The riveting orange scene

   It turns out Mary (Kwan) is pregnant with someone's baby, but is sadly never seen having sex. Her pregnancy is where they got that cutesy title from. The music is excruciating and sounds like a keyboard playing wood win instruments!

The terrorist takes his sweet time in planting bombs, so the bad comedy can take over the film. 

The Chinese Anarchist's Cookbook

   At one point, Wong gets on TV venting his frustration over a women and child being pinned to a bombed out bus, he challenges the mad bomber and we finally get to see his lair. The fact that the terrorist has posters of Stallone and Tom Cruise with the faces cut out and is never explained! 

   The extremist starts to target the bomb cops friend Mary. There's a reason he kept out of sight for the entire film, he's a tiny chimp like creep in a nurse out fit and as soon as he threatens the boys, they immediately kill him! At least they are good for something!

   I can't recommend this film, its watchable only for Anthony Wong completists like all of us here at TOG and it's required viewing since its in the Deep Red catalog (man I feel like I'm ending alot of reviews that way). If you're not obligated to watch this, check out something better like Underground Banker or Love To Kill, two films with "Mr. Ebola" in top form!   

Kinda Lame, only watch it if you have nothing better to do!

Beditp beditp That's all folks

get this fellow to John Wayne Bobbit's plastic surgeon, on second thought give him a gun!

The Virgin Of Nuremberg

Virgin Of Nuremberg (Horror Castle, La Vergine di Norimberga) Starring Christopher Lee. Directed By Antonio Margheriti (1963). 

If I didn't know any better I would think this was a Bava flick, all the gothic horror staples are present. The Torture Chamber Of Dr. Sadism has a similar feel, but is much better than this effort. 
   An attractive girl in a see through nighty played by Rossana Podesta walks down a long corridor clutching a burning candelabra and winds up in a red velvet dungeon surrounded by instruments of torture. An iron maiden (or in this case a Virgin Of Nuremberg) swings open with an eyeless victim still in its casket and scares the shit out of the fragile damsel, who looks to me like the actress in Top Secret, who's breast's defy gravity. The casual Nazi elements in Virgin were also similar to that other film. A jazzy score by Mondo Maestro Riz Ortolani emanates as the credits role. 

Can you believe I landed this hot chick?

   This italian production is populated by tons of overdubbed Germans. An ascot wearing rich Aryan named Max (Georges Riviere) is hiding the secret of "The Punisher" from his frightened wife Mary. When she tries to describe how she heard a stranger slunking around in the dead of night wearing an executioners mask, he chalks it up to her being overtired. 

   Max covers it up because the evil punisher is his distant relative and used the dreaded casket with nails inside during the middle ages to kill people he deemed immoral. 

   Christopher Lee plays a former Nazi named Erich with a hideous jagged scar on his face. Max keeps mentioning how horrible "The War" was and what a bad time they had, I'm assuming its WWII. If that's the case, they had it better than everyone else, especially the people they were busy shoving into gas ovens!

Is it true, that your boobs defy gravity?

   He confines his wife to her bed and drugs her, but she's quick and hides the pills.

Everyone is dubbed, even the great Christopher Lee unfortunately! They gave him this high whiny type voice, it's a shame since Lee is renowned for his brilliant pipes. 

I'm gonna order from Little Caesars

   Poor Mary is trapped in a palace like an Italian Ronnie Specter to a Nazi version of Phil. There's shrewd old woman who is "The Punisher's" biggest fan and awaits the cleansing of the wicked once again after 300 years! The news freaks Mary out and she wanders throughout the castle, which is filled with Poe-esque decor and secret basements.    

   Sometimes she'll hear rusty gears operating and even bumps into the old hooded geezer, who tells her to go to bed! If it's not her husband in disguise, I'll eat my executioners mask!
 

George "Liquor" American in the flesh

   An FBI agent played by Jim Dolen, a human version of George "Liquor" American, with a white flat top and a scotch tape colored suit, prowls around the castle asking questions.    
   Even though the film is shrouded in that Bava-World of mystery, its missing that grime and shocking ugliness from the genuine article that bangs you over the head. I don't hold it against the director, because he's capable, I just expected more! 

I am too scary!

  "The Punisher" is about as scary as Bruce Mcculloch as "The Eradicator"! He fastens a nose eating rat cage onto a girls face and it's mildly gruesome. That scene is cut from certain prints according to the Deep Red catalog, it helps out a little. 

    Excuse me while I chow down on some sweat soaked hood, because it turns out my prediction about the killer was wrong!
   Max the nazi gets trapped in a web of his own weaving, as a stone pit slowly fills up with water. Margheriti does a fine job of directing, but the story-line is duller than dirt!
The Nazi elements are more subtle through out the first half of the film like Frozen Terror, which made them all look like Disney businessmen. But then later on Hitler makes an appearance and Max's dad goes under the knife and gets scarred for life. I still had no sympathy for the character, which they turned into a weeping phantom-like character. 
   Had they started out in that hard edged Nazi direction, it would've elevated it about a typically dull haunted castle/torture chamber story, too bad.

No Refunds!

   The last ten minutes reveal what really happened, mixing in Third Reich stock footage and attempting to explain the surgical conspiracy. It's interesting, but I felt that my time was wasted. You may find the film more exciting if you watch it backwards, believe it or not! 

  

Don't Waste Your Time, watch an actual Mario Bava film, sorry Antonio!

Lee, get me a job as a background Ork in the future

Night Of Bloody Horror

Night Of Bloody Horror Directed By Joy N. Houck Jr. Starring Gerald McRaney (1969).

Like The Herman's Hermits song, "Something Tells Me I'm Into Something GOOD"!

From the bubble popping and weird lights during the credits to the promise of a rock band called The Bored, I can already tell I'm in for something trashy! 

   Future Major Dad actor Gerald McRaney stars as the blood crazed psycho gone berserk. I first became aware of this hair raising film though Psychotronic Video and it's been difficult to track down for some reason. But it's worth seeking out, especially if you're a regular TOG reader, which means you are fond of demented trash!

My brain is trying to rip through my skull!

   They use the same hokey LSD trip effects from Mantis In Lace to convey an extreme case of bi polar/migraine disorder that afflicts the mind of the killer.

   A blonde girl goes to confession and is randomly attacked while in the booth! A long needle gets stuck through her forehead and instantly kills her, next we are at her funeral. The viewpoint is from the ground up, as her boyfriend Wesley (McRaney) Stewart, stands above her coffin. Everything about this film is dime store cheap, from the shoddy audio to the constant room tone, in an S.F. Brownrigg way. 
   I'm on board though, even though I detest Brownrigg with every fiber of my being and there's three of his films in the Deep Red catalog that I will reluctantly get to!

   Wesley tries to drown his anxiety with booze, but can't shake the feeling. The music that plays in the bar sounds like The Dirtbombs played through a shitty broken radio. 

   A hair hopper nurse takes sympathy on Wes after he gets robbed and beaten over the head, lying in the street. Robert Zemekis must have watched this when he wrote Back to The Future, because Wes wakes up without his pants, and the "Florence Nightingale effects" starts to wash over the screen as their love blossoms to a magical zenith, but then it all ends tragically.

We'll always have The Poconos.

   He can't enjoy himself, because that igneous headache takes over and the urge to kill surfaces! There's a nice dissolve of blood in the sand into a bowl of tomato soup, so I take back the Brownrigg crack!

Night of Hot and Creamy Tomato Soup!

   This director is more accomplished and inventive as I originally suspected. I've read reviews from critics who claim to have fallen asleep, don't listen to these hacks, they have zero attention span! 

I shouldn't have gulped down thorazine

   Two homophobic cops try to rile up the killer by calling him a "fag", and Stewart seems to have a history of offenses with them. I have to mention that McRaney was the dad in The Neverending Story and humiliates his son for drawing unicorns! "They aren't Horses dad, they're UNICORNS!!!" 

   He goes to a club and runs right into psychedelic garage band, The Bored! They have a really fuzzed out bass and an overdriven organ. 

  The main character can't leave the house to escape his over bearing mother without getting into a fight or hacking someone to pieces! 

Was it something we said?

   43 minutes in, they finally establish Wesley's backstory and the fact that he was in an asylum for stabbing his brother and a few other people. I'm not sure what they were waiting for? 

   The cops make his J. Edgar Hoover looking psychiatrist his caretaker and put him into an Edmund Kemper, "move back in with your mom" solution. If you've done your serial killer research, you should know how that ends up, vocal chords stuck in the garbage disposal!

   His mother Agatha (Evelyn Hendricks), looks like a human version of Lady Elaine Fairchilde with meth teeth! Later on he has a sex nightmare about mom crawling into his bed! Eeek! There are shades of Psycho obviously radiating through-out this, and the ending reminded me of Don't Go In The House. Am I giving this schlocky flick too much credit, not sure, judge for yourself.

So What if I dropped my anti-psychotic medicine down the drain?

   Everything unravels from there on, as his doctor gets chopped up with an axe (the film oddly jump cuts in an unsatisfying way)! Wes hides out at a neighborhood girl's house and hears an all points bulletin for his arrest! There's no empathy required for any of these one dimensional characters. The mom gets even creepier toward the end as she talks to herself in a slowed down voice. Wes is a hopeless sad sack and anyone he kills, is never given any depth or is just an annoying authority figure that you don't feel too bad for. 

   Director Houck Jr. had an odd career, later on he had a small role in Jim Jarmusch's Down By Law and directed a film with Mickey Dolenz as a strangler. There's an insanely unexpected twist ending that really brings the film into Ed Gein, Deranged territory. 
Don't miss it, it actually made my skin crawl alittle! It played along with the director's other feature Women And Bloody Terror and people were rewarded $2000. if they died of fright during the double feature! I only wish it really happened, so they could make up an excuse to give away the nonexistent money. I was cracking up when I realized there's an actor named George Spelvin and my dyslexia thought I read Georgina the porn star from The Devil In Miss Jones! 

Worth Seeking out for that major league creep-fest ending!

BUY HERE

Also Available on Amazon Instant for 2 bucks.

Mantis In Lace

MANTIS IN LACE Directed By William Rotsler. Starring Susan Stewart (1968).  

Lila (Stewart) is the devious red hot stripper described in the title song as "The Mantis" in question. More buxom strippers show up, gyrating to some tough 60's garage beats as a dopey fellow with a tiddlywink for an earring in a Mod shirt, plays pool with Lila. 

   They all talk that square invented "Dragnet" hippie lingo, and it's pretty hilarious. Later on they both drop acid at an abandoned warehouse on a dirty floor mattress. Lila carries her theme song on a vinyl record and does a strip tease to it, whenever given the opportunity. All she needs is an outlet and a turntable! 

   The sex scenes are excruciatingly dull and they pepper it with that cheesy lingo, "Ya Dig?" But then the acid starts dribbling in and things get real spacey! The echoey flashback noises and projected footage over random faces reminds me of the opening of a Something Weird video tape.  

A conveniently placed screwdriver is used as a weapon against loud colors and psychedelic lights as Lila accidentally stabs her sexual conquest. 

   Ok, What I thought was an accident continues on with some meat cleaver butchery! 

Two starchy shirt wearing pigs troll around Go-Go joints looking for the maniac responsible.

the glory days of Go-Go

   The strippers in Mantis are all busty and have fake eyelashes and beehives. One does a gross belly jumping trick that was a turn off for me! Stuart Lancaster, the famous Russ Meyer resident actor shows up, he plays a psychologist named Frank. Lila returns to the dank creepy old warehouse, which is her favorite location to party with acid!  

  Mantis is more of a time capsule than an anti drug propaganda message and Lila is definitely the worst female to ever be around with while on LSD, because it drives her to commit murder.

I've seen bigger boobs on the Russ Meyer casting couch

    I like how voices of authority start yelling at her to eat he vegetables and after killing Frank, she says "you look so funny like that"!

   The splatter effects are pretty tame, they could have used H.G. Lewis' makeup specialist. It never discourages the fun however, the whole film is a blast in that SWV style we all know and love! 

The most wretched kissing scene in cinema

   There's a very awkward kissing/audition scene that made me queasier than all the meat cleaver hacking scenes combined. That nauseating moment is conveyed with smaltzy romantic music. Hey movie, You can't just drop new disgusting characters into my lap and expect me to take it! These people disappear into thin air, by the way and aren't connected to anything else!!! I want those 10 minutes back!

   The two detectives invade all the grimy joints and in the process walk by a marque for Procol Harum, pretty sweet!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yeah, Let's hit up Dunkin Donuts!

    During one striptease, they play a lackluster cover of Mary-Lou by Young Jessie (which The Oblivians later did a stellar cover of)! Lila should get her head checked for all the acid flashbacks that cause her to murder innocent creeps, but she never even considers it, which makes it seem like she enjoys killing! She's also stupid enough to leave blood stained instruments of death lying around without bothering to hide the evidence! 

    The cops are also really stupid because they never suspect Lila, until they physically hide in a corner and watch her slay the latest victim! Remember kids,don't take LSD or you may wind up this way! 
   Everything about Mantis was dumb in that highly entertaining way that can only come from a Something Weird Video. They were the giants back in the days of clamshell videos and deserve to be back on top churning out real fun garbage like this! 
   It's in the same vein as Blood Mania, which was reviewed awhile ago, only with more vintage stripping and no Greedo! Harry Novak who produced so many trashy gems like The Sinful Dwarf, Mondo Mod and Please Don't Eat My Mother also dumped his pocket change into this project! 
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

I'm not wasted, I'm dead!

A Ho carrying a Hoe

Virgins Of The Seven Seas

Virgins Of The Seven Seas (The Bod Squad, Yang Chi, Karate Kusse Blonde Katzen) Directed by Ernst Hofbauer & Chih-Hung Kuei (1974).

It's almost as if the German girls from Schulmadchen Report did a semester abroad and got trapped by bandits. And that's exactly what these two titans of the filth industry had in mind when they collaborated on this project! Chih-Hung Kuei made one of my favorite Shaw Brothers films, Boxers Omen and Hofbauer is a Viennese schabigkeit veteran who directed a few sexploitation flicks in his day.

   I don't know about you, but when I see Chinese pirates on the screen talking in German, I'm a little puzzled. There's nothing to be alarmed about, because this is an Asian/German co-production of sleaze and depravity, the dialogue is Umberto Lenzi priceless! Fraulein slaves are tied up to sell for human trafficking, when one eats fish guts she says "it tastes like Grampa's left nut"!  The lewdness barometer is off the charts in this offshoot SB flick.    

Tongues carved to deli meat perfection

   The lead pirate looks like an Asian Yul Brenner and when they dock, he immediately starts a rampage on the island. The girl's naked bodies are offered up to two Genghis Khan looking warlord pimps.One of the hustlers, Won Tau (Wang Hsieh) takes over as the main villain, he carries a bullwhip and get molesty real fast! 

    Ko Mei Mei (Hui Ling) dresses in all green and leads the girls to the bed chamber, where the virgin test will be administered. Most of the Chinese characters wear fright wigs and either manhandle or lear at the sexy naked girls, who all have astounding breasts! 

   The ill fitting wigs reminded me of the Asian cannibals from Dr. Butcher! In fact, the costume designer must have raided the "worst wig emporium" to find these beastlies for all of the cast, men and women!  Tao Fu (Helen Ko), a cruel lesbian character with a sunken in emaciated face, uses a Mortal Kombat style razor fan to slice off a busty German girl's dress.

   Ko Mei Mei reveals that she was also abducted into servitude and agrees to help the "Bod Squad" escape from the clutches of the horny pirates. She trains them in the fine art of spitting razor sharp olive pits as a handy weapon, I can't make this shit up folks! I like how they all practice spitting by yelling 'POO"! 

POOP!

   Down in a secret lair, they also do sexercises, this flick really speaks to that pervy thirteen year old neatly tucked away in your subconscious! 

Gulp, I swallowed!

   The erratic theme song kind of sounds like Faccia de faccia by Ennio Morricone. 

When the grand opening of the brothel arrives, the alleged "7 seas virgins" have a mutiny planned against the lead flesh peddler.The girls are paraded around like pieces of meat at the auction. A sexy blonde known as "rabbit teeth" attracts another rodent like slave trader who says she turns him into a giant buck tooth rabbit! 

The Chinese NoBunny

    The girl's don't band together yet, instead they defeat each slimy pig that bought them for sex separately and in wacky comical situations.

   Karen does a topless fight in a red panties and flops around like a fish out of water, I call her technique "the dreaded red snapper"!

Fish Flop Away!

   The rest of the girl's get trained by Ko Mei Mei's brother so fast, that there's enough time left over for a delightful slo-mo naked frolic in the river!

   But it turns out the girl's are terrible at fighting, Yoda should have stepped in and said "Complete your training bitches"! Instead of a final battle, we get one of the clumsiest, humiliating displays ever, as the girl's fall into pit fall after clusterfuck! 

We're Doomed!

Seek this one out, immediately its incredible! It's so tasteless and enjoyable. Thanks to http://www.coolasscinema.com/ for jogging my memory about this rare film, they had very informative credits too, better than Imdb.com, which has been letting me down lately with their spotty information. Run out and grab a copy, prepare to have your mind knocked out of your skull!

Available through Diabolik DVD  

OK, I give up!