Bestialita aka Dog Lay Afternoon

-Reviewed by Skunkape-

aka DOG LAY AFTERNOON

 1976 Directed by George Eastman and Peter Skerl
 
I wonder how many people actually saw this in the movie theater? After all, you'd need guts knowing the employee ripping your ticket stub would be judging you for seeing a movie about canine intercourse. (That's right dog fucking) You could only hope it would be paired up with a Fellini flick as a double feature and that would give you somewhat of an excuse to see this art house sleaze.
 The action starts when a little girl hops off her bike and looks through a window. She witnesses the unthinkable, her mother making love (not just puppy love) to the family pet. She is fucking a doberman in the missionary position but in this case, it's still doggy style. The husband busts in catching the two right in the act. The poor pooch gets chained up and the house is set on fire turning this loving pet into a hot dog.

"is that a new trick?"

I'm Top Dog!

Fast forward about 15 years or so and we meet a couple, Paul and Yvette. They've just moved from Paris, France.  Paul wants to turn this little seaside town into a tourist village. While exploring, the couple keeps stumbling upon a mysterious girl and her pet dog. She appears and disappears before they can even talk to her. Some of the locals know her by name and others believe she is some kind of a ghost.

Never mind"Kibbles N Bits" I want "Nipples N Tits"!

Paul and Yvette are having major relationship problems and believe that having a baby would give their marriage new life. Sooner or later they they meet this mystery gal, Jeanine and you've probably guessed that this is the same traumatized little girl who saw her mom getting "milk" boned in her living room but all grown up. The three become very close to one another and Jeanine takes the place of the child that they can't seem to have and long for. The innocence fades and Jeanine is actually somewhat of a nympho. She seduces Paul and makes Yvette jealous but smooths things over when she gives her some loving the next morning. The next evening all three do the deed and when she doesn't come home her dog howls for her. Is the dog jealous? Did she take after her mother or is the dog just hungry and she forget to open a can of ALPO?

"Ahh, did she give us Rabies?"

"I'm in heat!!!"

Some other characters in this film include a wacky philosopher, some super rich swingers, newlyweds, and a eccentric fisherman,  We find out later that Jeanine is a runaway and her dysfunctional family has hired a PI to find her. Ugo the fisherman who lives in a cave plays a role in helping Jeanine and the dog hide and also a major part in the finale. It's a finale equally shocking as the beginning of the film which bookends all the art house madness and soft core crap in the middle.

Snausages!

Playing Dead?

I didn't hate Bestialita, it needed just a little something more to make it a classic. It was shot around gorgeous beaches, caves, and castles. It was written and co directed by none other than George "Grim Reaper" Eastman.
 Franca "The Other Hell" Stoppi was the mother that banged the dog in her first ever credited role. (what a trooper) The soundtrack was also pretty good.

Slightly Recommended
6/10 on the CULT-O-METER
To see an orginal Turkish poster for this film go to
the amazing website posterperversion.com click HERE 

See the Theater of Guts Trailer!!!

But don't miss the special message from McGruff the Crime Dog at the end!

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Organ

Organ Directed By Kei Fujiwara, starring Kenji Nasa (1996).
It starts off with a theme of rebirth or "light returning to light", later on there's a dream of a giant pulsating larvae that cracks open and spews out a dripping human woman. Kei Fujiwara, who co-starred in Tetsuo, The Iron Man directed this, like that pile of fascinating imagery with twisted metal and bursting blood vessels, its all surface level pretty on the outer layer, but inside very hollow and empty. The critics went overboard for Tetsuo, which I partially enjoyed, but like all cyberpunk and most Anime, I found it repetitive and uneventful.

Weekend At Bernies 3

   This film has that kind of Japanese stylization over substance, that gives me a migraine and I've tried to watch Organ several times, If you read the Pete Tombs synopsis in Mondo Macabre (a must own book that I constantly reference), you'd punch out your own mother to get a copy, in order to receive that fix of Japanese madness and gore (thankfully, now-a-days, you don't have to because Fandor is streaming it)! When I read that review, I thought maybe I had missed out on something, but having re-evaluated Organ, unlike Flesh For Frankenstein, its a different case all together.
   This time, I hadn't missed anything, Organ is just as dull and overly flashy as I remembered it, with a weak subplot, that often times I had to refer to the Tombs book to figure it all out, generally if I need to over think and its not easy to follow, I'm going to give up. Synapse owns the rights to this and many other shocking Asian films, I'd been curious about it ever since I saw it included in the Deep Red Catalog.

I'm not familiar with this other Yoko you speak of

    So, here's what I pieced together for one of the least rewarding Japanese horror flicks in recent memory. In Tokyo 1996 organ harvesters run the streets, one's with slicked backed hair, Hawaiian shirts, eyepatches and hazmat suits. They hang out in a dingy alley called "The Slaughterhouse" some giggle as they snip out human spleens and livers. A cop named Numato shows up to replace one of their syndicate associates and they immediately recruit him to haul bodies around for them. He's there to bail out his partner, who is alive but catatonic. The gut slicing from still breathing humans reminded me of the Monty Python sketch where door to door organ removal surgeons show up and rip out Terry Gilliam's liver!

Smother me in Ranch dressing and enjoy

   One particularly gruesome specimen looks what I can only describe as a "Cenobite Salad", a green and red splattered man with a greyish face. All the hazmat suits in an unclean room with jagged surgical tools plunging away at vital organs is creepy and interesting. One eyed Yoko (played by the director) shows enough promise to hold your interest for a short while as a decent villainess.
   Two detectives, Numata and Tosaka try to infiltrate the organ chop shop, one falls victim to human experiments and can't escape, because his legs were amputated and he's stuck in an over-sized terrarium, kept alive by the blood of captured school girls. It all sounds better than it is and though Organ has its own dedicated cult following, you won't find me tossing any livers at the screen for midnight movie gatherings.
   The decent soundtrack is synth-wave industrial. One semi-alarming moment has a girl who gets sexually excited over smelly green turtles (As far as I know there's no fetish too demented for the Japanese)! I'm glad that Fandor bought this title, so I can confirm how dull it is without having to go to extreme lengths to find a copy (Skunkape remains my number one source for all films reviewed on TOG). I hope that Fandor acquires more titles from Synapse because they are an incredibly vital DVD company! Go for the gusto Fandor, while you're at it, buy titles from Blue-Underground, that would monumentally improve your underground street cred.
Skip it and watch a classic Skinny Puppy video instead     

Care for a human cannoli?

FANDOR LINK

Ghost Of Guts Eater

Ghost Of Guts Eater (Krasue Sao) Directed By S. Naowaratch, starring Metta Rungrat (1973). 

It pains me to say that I really did not enjoy Ghost Of Guts Eater, I tried to muster up enough enthusiasm, but it just sucks! The Krasue effects are hysterical, I could watch a head attached to living organs for awhile before it gets real tedious, but they just don't keep the movie afloat enough to recommend it. 

Yeah, gnaw on those intestines!

   The main problem with GOGE is it's all bark and no bite and the character situations and plot development are excruciatingly dull. What made Mystics In Bali highly entertaining and likable in comparison makes this one a chore, when it should be a gut dangling good time!

   The Thai origin of a hungry ghost depicted in Guts Eater, lives like a normal human part of the time, the severed head floats around while the body sleeps and it feeds late at night. One of the most irritating things about the film besides the 3 layers of subs that get in the way of the screen is the awful pacing, it just zaps any kind of pathos or tension that might work. Even if I saw a pristine copy of this, I don't think it would've improved anything and many reviews that I've read, kind of skip over this and go into the history of the Krasue, here at TOG we're more inclined to give you the real dirt! Although the always reliable BackYard Asia blog does a decent job of reviewing it (Link here).

Many of these rare films are incredibly difficult to find (Skunkape had to sleep in his car and make seedy deals in order to secure this flick)!

does this sheet make me look fat?

   I'd have to say that it wasn't worth the effort, even with the goofy "Clutch Cargo" style animation of severed heads floating around with entrails dangling in the breeze!

  A guy named Boon Muang has a major problem in his village and the farmers are pissed that a grandma and granddaughter are galavanting around minus their bodies, spooking up trouble and eating live chickens and even baby placentas!

Hi Everybody I got my medical license from a cereal box!

   So they go visit a late Roger Corman/ Poe era chubby Peter Lorre looking witchdoctor and ask him to destroy the vampire. Wait, What? Vampire, not ghost, OK I guess there's not much of a difference, No never mind there totally is! 

   Let me try to explain what's going on, a demon has possessed the floating heads and it must be driven out with a whacking stick, sounds perfectly normal right? OK let's move on, because apparently in Thailand, monster folklore is interchangeable, Werewolves are Frankensteins and Dracula's are from the Black Lagoon, so forget what you know. 

Boon Muang believes that the witch doctor just wants to ruin his marriage by prescribing he beat his wife, but the doctor isn't full of shit, because we've seen the evidence, that she is a Krasue. As it turns out, the grandma is the demon responsible for taking over and channeling her hunger pangs by way of her granddaughter. The momentum represented here is almost like a bad soap opera with dangling offal and that's the main problem. It drags everything down and makes it more painful than it should be, at the end the grandma's curse is lifted and the husband and wife live happily ever after, is that really something you want from a film with the genius title of Ghost Of Guts Eater, no way!

NO LINK 

I hear Burger King delivers now!

D'AGOSTINO (2012)

Directed by Jorge Ameer

Is this ... love?

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

I'll throw down the gauntlet. Want to see some REALLY FUCKED-UP SHIT?

Now, I don't know where you want to go with this relationship --

The films of Jorge Ameer always entertain. They’re not always good, but they always entertain. His early feature THE SINGING FOREST (2003)was notable for a reincarnation plot involving Nazi concentration camp victims, featuring well-fed prisoners and very uneven, hand-drawn Swastikas on armbands. In the supernatural drama THE HOUSE OF ADAM (2006), the characters freak out if a front door unexpectedly swings open but remain calm and collected when encountering a man tied to a chair for torture.

In D’AGOSTINO, Ameer raises the bar very high. Dissatisfied American yuppie Allan Dawson (Keith Roenke)  lives with his fiance Sylvia (Torie Tyson) in London. She is quite a bit older than he, which may explain his sudden outburst heard at the film’s beginning – “What do fat and ugly people think they look like?” Things are mundane and boring until Sylvia says, “Your grandmother left you some property.” Did his grandmother die? She doesn’t say. “Your grandmother left you some property in Greece.” So Allan jets over to Greece. The “property” is a very nice candle-lit apartment. Allan takes some time to sight-see, and then returns to the apartment that night. Looking behind a heavy oaken door, Alan discovers a disgusting human male (Michael Angels) covered in feces tied up in a tiled room. Slamming the door behind him, Allan takes a hot shower … goes back to sleep … wakes up the next day … does some more sight-seeing … has some lunch …

Yes, none of it makes any sense, but perhaps it's not supposed to. Allan doesn't TELL anyone about the horror lurking in his apartment, in what amounts to a twisted agenda. Later that night, Allan showers his new-found friend off, notes a dog collar that lists his name as D'Agostino and checks his trusty laptop. “I see that you're a secret clone bred for organ harvesting,” the smug Allan says – as if this would be posted online – from a dog tag that has no URL address. The barking, yelping D'Agostino has the mentality of a newborn baby trapped in the body of a young man, and Allan seizes the opportunity to put him on a leash and teach him a few, uh, “tricks.” It's exactly what you think it is.

Very little, other than nonstop mental and sexual degradation of the title character continues for the rest of D'AGOSTINO's two-plus hour running time. Other than a pushy landlord (played by director Ameer himself) seems to interrupt the two mens' sadistic idyll. The viewer continues to watch the film as if to ask themselves, “why am I watching this?” Why ineptly told, D'AGOSTINO hammers home a classic fable of all the horrible things that happen when a human being considers another human being as being less than such.

It falls apart at the end when D'Agostino symbolically eats from “the tree of knowledge,” i.e. Allan's laptop for an ending straight out of an EC horror comic book. Allan gets his comeuppance, but its not what the ending COULD have been.

D'AGOSTINO calls to mind such favorites as SALO: 120 DAYS OF SODOM (1975). It also recalls, with its minimal cast, single setting, Greek locale and sadomasochistic games the cult favorite SINGAPORE SLING (1991) and art house fave DOGTOOTH (2009). In either case, D'AGOSTINO is the rare kind of movie that I wholeheartedly recommend to everyone – knowing full well that lots of them will ABSOLUTELY hate it. See it – it's not a good film, but remains a highly unique viewing experience. 

Women's Prison Massacre

 Women's Prison Massacre (Emmanuelle in Prison, Emmanuelle Escapes From Hell, A Bunch Of Bastards) Directed By Bruno Mattei, starring Laura Gemser (1983).
It starts with a lurid extremely European performance art piece as three women deliver deadpan lines wearing green face paint. This play is an artistic retaliation against their confinement and upsets the guards and crowd enough that they pelt them with vegetables!

"One singular sensation...."

   Claudio Fragasso, the man who later famously turned trolls into vegetarians that serve Nilbog milk is also responsible for this effort. Italian trash regulars Franca Stoppi (The Other Hell, Buio Omega), and Larraine De Salle (Cannibal Ferox, House On The Edge) play the jackboot wearing prison guards. Ursula Flora (who left showbiz three years later) plays Albina, the Edgar Winter looking crazy eyed albino, who arm wrestles Gemser and later plays one of the most drawn out games of russian roulette in cinematic history. Albina makes incredibly deranged faces and intensely stares at a lesbian couple in the shower as fake Goblin music plays. The similar Goblin music is a welcome change from the usual blast stolen Dawn of The Dead soundtrack from a fuzzed out boombox that Mattei usually passes off as his own. The quality of this film is in league with the best of the Mattei catalog, among Rats: Nights Of Terror, Hell Of The Living Dead and The Other Hell. The shot composition by Henry Frogers is more professional this time around. Emmanuelle's tactic of screwing her way in exchange for favors doesn't work in the barbaric penal system and the guards even enjoy beating on her.

Stop saying I look like Edgar Winter!

   One odd moments has a girl sleeping with a male blowup doll (how did they sneak that one into prison)?
Carlo De Mejo (City Of The Living Dead, and the recently reviewed The Other Hell) shows up with a cowboy hat as Lawman Harrison. His mission is to arrest notorious convict Crazy Boy Henderson (Gabriele Tinti) and his pals Blade and Geronimo, but they outsmart him. Crazy Boy Henderson actor Tinti was married to Gemser in real life. The male convicts end up taking over the women's prison Assault On Precinct 13 style and decide to take hostages.

Two girls for every paisano

   Franca Stoppi gets her throat eaten off by one cannibalistic convict and the 70's police radios they use to demand a ransom are as big as a thermos. Lorraine does a forced strip tease at gunpoint and exudes nervous tension. The horny felons start to target girls to molest, but leave Emmanuelle alone for some reason, this is highly unusual for her. The police all of a sudden are outside (they were briefly established), but seemed to have waited for all the debauchery in the prison to reach a climax before interfering, because Mattei thankfully dishes out the sleaze!
   One busty female prisoner attaches a razor blade to a cork and hides it in her twat, while waiting for a rapist to enter her and man does he get an unpleasant surprise!
   There's a minimal explanation tacked on during the last few minutes as to why Emmanuelle gets locked up in the first place and an unintentionally goofy courtroom scene with a judge dressed up like Donald Duck!

Get my agent on the phone, I should co-host Top Chef!

   The three convicts have odd features one looks like Tommy Wiseau, A 70's Mego Hulk action figure and a fake Lee Ving. After the razor cork eunuch runs away and down the corridor, his face bleeds and contorts like the guy in Scanners (not entirely sure why, but it looks great)! Then it all ends with a shoot out with the police, the bullet effects look like tomato paste! If you go in with high expectations or thinking this will be as gore soaked and sex filled as a typical Emmanuelle flick, you may be slightly disappointed! But if you are like me and don't expect anything resembling quality with the Mattei seal of approval attached, than you will be pleasantly surprised! This title is available uncut on Amazon Prime go get a free trial!
Slightly Recommended! 
8 OUT OF 10 on the Gore-Meter

Too much Marinara on my Pizza Hut breadsticks!

Oh Hi There! did you enjoy my film The Room?

Move over Walker Texas Ranger!

The Loft

aka Die neue Saat der Gewalt

 The Loft (1985) directed by Eckhart Schmidt
As the credits fade up we hear the sounds of gunfire and through narration we learn that the apocalypse has taken place. Chaos and fear are the only thing left in society and all the cities are at war with one another. So, with all the craziness and fighting, who the hell would be having an art show? Lets just go with it and find out!

A couple enters an elevator, A rich pretty boy named Raoul tells his girlfriend Raphaela that he's only agreed to go to this art show on one condition. That she rides his German helmet. (Honesty is important in a relationship) One of the artists acting as elevator bellhop, overhears this conversation and watches them as they make out. He licks his lips while they continue to suck face and puts on an evil grin. This is a sure sign that the evening is not going to go as well as they thought.

"Got to get this relish off my lip."

The art on display consists of a live woman yelling "fuck off" and "there's no food here", also another live woman is chained up topless. We see a painting of a shadow creature with a giant penis(kinda looks like Gumby with a boner) and another one of a giant eyeball. I think I'll purchase the topless woman!
 While browsing the art Raphaela is groped by Raoul every chance he gets, embarrassing and annoying her.
She reluctantly agrees to finally have sex with him and they duck into a back room storage closet.

While doing the deed they don't even see a wounded man hiding out in the corner, but we'll talk about him later. A couple of artists, Furio and Kiddy have been monitoring the couple and don't like them being there. They exclaim, "He's oversexed and she's on a culture trip." Raoul and Raphaela have now become the target of these pissed off artist punks.

I put the "Moan" in the Mona Lisa!

Must be a Mapplethorpe

The punks begin to hatch their plan. When Raphaela goes in the restroom, Kiddy holds her at knife point. All the guests are asked to leave and while Raoul waits for his girl, they get locked in. The mystery man limps out of the storage room bleeding. His name is Stone, he has been wounded from battling in the chaos of the outside world, he's also Kiddy's father. He asked if any of the art was sold, the answer is nothing. Now extremely pissed and insulted by these two guests the real trouble begins. Humiliation, torture, and rape follow. After the phone rings two more thugs show up later. Things do turn around for our art house heroes, Raoul breaks a piece of  mirror off while locked in the bathroom as Raphaela is being violated just outside the door, he then slices one of the goon's throats. Later Raphaela gets Kiddy's knife away from her, giving them some leverage to escape. Still outnumbered and only having one way out, will this horned out pretty boy have what it takes to escape The Loft!

"Don't you ever trim?"

A panting thug and  Perry Ferrel join the fun.

"That's not a knife, this is a knife!"

"I'm taking a stand, with a mic stand!"

I give this movie a lot of credit. Other than some ambient noise there's only one real track of music that repeats throughout the whole film. It's like some one's ring tone keeps going off and they just won't answer the phone.Yet I never get sick of it because of the overall weirdness it adds to the film. One piece of music and one indoor location(the loft itself) makes this film tense and surreal and you'll always be guessing what might happen next.

Coffee's Ready

Bold of the day in the face, you're Star"fucked"

 I would compare this film to House on the Edge of the Park, even though they are completely different. They have similar elements that make them movie brothers. They both share a setup type plot, it all takes place in one location, there's a nasty but somewhat consensual rape scene, a small cast, and  the cheese factor.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

9/10 ON THE CULT-O-METER

Witchcraft: Evil Encounters

-Reviewed by Skunkape-

aka Witchery aka La Casa 4

Witchcraft(1988)  Directed by Fabrizio Laurenti
Our movie starts with a pregnant witch being chased. The locals, armed with pitchforks and shovels almost get her and with no where left to run, trapped in a hotel hallway, she jumps out the window to her death. While flying through the air the sun reflects off of a crystal pendent she's wearing. When we flash to the future this story has become a local legend called the "Curse of the Witch's Light" and sometimes you can still see that crystal's reflection coming out the window certain times of the day.

Witchcraft has a lot to offer, lets start with its cast. Linda "the Exorcist" Blair, David "Baywatch" Hasselhoff, and Annie "Basket Case 2, Superman 3" Ross. Almost the entire cast seems to be American actors, pretty unusual for a Filmirage production. It would have been nice to see a John Morghen or an Al Cliver fill in some of the smaller roles.  The movie is also pretty gory and has some good production value.

Leslie (Leslie Cumming, whose only other film credit is Killing Birds) is writing a book on the witch's curse and other supernatural stuff. Her boyfriend Gary (Hasselhoff) is there to take photos. Gary's also trying to bust Leslie's cherry every chance he gets but she never even so much as gives him a hand job. But, keeping her virginity comes back to haunt her because witches always need blood from virgins and an evil demon comes out of hell and rapes her. Let that be lesson to all women, put out or you'll just wind up getting raped by one of Satan's goons.

"I do know mouth to mouth."

"What's worse, raped by Satan or the Hoff?"

"I shouldn't have gone ass to mouth!"

Meanwhile Jane Brooks (Blair), also pregnant, is having nightmares about these past occurrences.(Is there a connection to the witch perhaps, DER?) A lady in black is appearing to her and her family. She even sets her parents up with a real estate agent to look at the old cursed hotel, its for sale and they're in the market for such a purchase. We find out later that this lady in black was an old actress who lived in the hotel while preparing for became her final role and turned her into a servant of the witch. Once the agent meets up with the family, they take a boat to the creepy old place.When they arrive the witch kills the captain and un-docks the boat stranding them. The Brooks family find Leslie and Gary hiding out upstairs and once they realize the danger they're all in, they decide to team up and use all Leslie's knowledge of the occult to fight back. Who ever dubbed Leslie by the way did a piss poor job, she sounds like a valley girl on quaaludes.

"No more Alice Cooper before bed!"

"Let me see your knuckle ball."

The first house guest to go is Mrs. Brooks (Ross), due to her greed. What! Does the witch have morals or something? She is sucked down a dumbwaiter, once at the bottom her lips are sewn shut with a needle and thread and then she's hung upside down in the chimney. Later that day, it gets cold and her family inadvertently lights her on fire. The witch kills the two real estate agents next, they go upstairs to knock boots and were chosen because of their sinful lust. Again with the morals, doesn't this make a knocked up satanic witch a bit of a hypocrite judging all these people. Tommy, Jane's little brother (another atrociously dubbed character) has a sesame street recorder and it's playing out all sorts of satanic chants. As for Jane (Blair) after some voodoo ritual she becomes possessed or should I say repossessed? And now she's doing all the witch's dirty work.

"I need to check you for fleas."

"I hate being typecast."

C is for Coven, it's good enough for me!

There are an insane amount of unintentional laughs throughout this movie. It's not a classic by any means but offers a little something for everybody, the Hoff, gore, mystery, boobs. In Italy Evil Dead was released as La Casa and Evil Dead 2 as La Casa 2.  What we know as Ghosthouse by Umberto Lenzi was released in Italy as La Casa 3 to cash in on the success of the Evil Dead series and this movie was released as La Casa 4.

CHECK IT OUT

7/10 ON THE CULT-O-METER

Theater of Guts

Tribute Trailer

it's Suspiria,the Hoff, Exorcist, and Sesame Street all in a Blender

Now on Blu-ray with Ghosthouse as a Double Feature!
Thank You Scream Factory

Ginseng King

The Ginseng King Directed By Ru-Tar Rotar, starring- information too spotty (IMDB MIA) 1989. 

Ready to take a wild trip? Got your things packed, than let's roll up for the Ginseng King! If you were to throw in some ancient Eastern medicine, Sid & Marty Kroft style puppetry and Yokai Monster wackiness, you'd get the idea of what kind of mindwarp The Ginseng King has in store for your eyeballs! Prepare yourself now!

According to the film, mushrooms bring immortality but Ginseng gives longevity (who cares, give me some shrooms)! A young boy runs around the forest following a talking, smoking root who hops around and leads the kid up a tree, where a cobra bites his hand. It's ancient relative shows up to help, he looks like a two legged teenage version of Snuffleupagus.

Did I scare you?

   There's tons of healing smoke floating around in the forest (there's no denying you too should be heavily medicated while you watch this). Some ninja mutants show up and a pretty girl, but they only want to trick Ginseng and all are in need of severe medical attention!

Still not used to your weird assed face yet!

Good thing the King can levitate and shoot blue cartoon lightning out of his stumps!

The boy Hsiaoming and his mother live in a haunted forest crawling with nazi zombies! A monk shows up to help out and gives acupuncture to heal a zombie attack, then the Ginseng King offers one of his whiskers to smooth things over, bottom line: don't fuck with Ancient Chinese medicine!

   Because the monk wears a swastika (which in Buddhist culture is counterclockwise and means something positive), the nazi zombie salutes him thinking he's in the Aryan nation. The Ginseng King sadistically chuckles as the nazi zombie steps on a landmine. Hsiaoming's mother gets bitten by the nazi zombie and they need to go on a quest to destroy the 3 headed demon king, before its too late.

3 heads mean lots of arguements

   The forest location and the different roots and creatures sort of reminded me of Pan's Labyrith (I wonder if Del Toro is a fan)?

I think you'd had enough candy GED

   Grampa Earth God leads the kid along a SuperMario/Godzilla adventure and asks two grouchy giants named Magic Ears and Magic Eyes for assistance. GED looks as if he has criminally neglected gingivitis! They then show a bunch of stock footage as Magic Eyes looks for where the Ginseng King is being held prisoner, at first he's not very helpful, he gets distracted by a naked girl popping out of the pool! Avert your eyes children (I wonder how many unaware parents rented this for their kids)?  

I've heard too much and I've seen it all

   They find a witch chained up in a cave who tries to trick them and cackles incessantly (If I saw this part as a kid, I know I would've been traumatized)! I remember being scared when I saw Gumby go to a distant planet where a vampire nerd kid tried to bite him! The ninja mutants worship the three headed demon king and he blasts them into oblivion if they disobey.

I'm just crabby because my mother is a chemically imbalanced witch

   The leopard princess who leads the ninjas starts to warm up to the boy and GED, but its hard to trust her, because she's flighty and switches gears a lot! It turns out both boy and the woman need help for their ailing mothers and join forces. One of the most annoying characters is the leopard princess' witch mother, but she knows kung fu and how to destroy the 3 headed demon king!

Will our fateful heroes make it out alive? If you can find this ultra rare movie don't miss it! In my mind it should be required viewing for kids over 12 among such fantasy epics as The Never Ending Story, BeastMaster and Krull! 

Synapse is the new leader in distributing Asian oddities, but they really need to stop putting out the overflow of softcore pervy Nikkatsu flicks and buy this one up, because it deserves a DVD loaded with extras and correct information (I had a difficult time finding any actor names involved). Get on the ball Synapse!

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

A very stoned version of E.T.

Gauntlet 2/ Dio style sword and sorcery

ALL HAIL The Ginseng King
Now watch the trailer!!!