Dinosaur Island

Dinosaur Island (1994) Effects by John Carl Buechler.
      If your boat is floated by scantily clad cavewomen who fight in the dirt, then I have got a movie for you. If you are a pasty, nerdy, older, or slightly chubby hetero male in the armed forces, and you have always wanted to be set up as a "living god" on some primitive island paradise, then this will be great fantasy-fulfillment material. If you also get a hard-on for low-budget dinosaur effects, then boy (or girl) have you hit the jackpot here.
     I’m not really sure how I ended up watching this Fred Olen Ray/Jim Wynorski co-production. The writing is terrible. The acting is silly. The leather bras are scanty and frequently absent. This movie was made for one reason, and that reason is cavegirl boobs. The dinosaur and monster special effects are fun but that’s all that kept me watching.
    Military guys crash on island fill of prehistoric babes, must kill dinosaurs to impress babes. After I figured out what this movie was about (cavegirl boobs, in case you’ve already forgotten), I fast-forwarded to all of the monster scenes and had a laugh, and then moved on. This is a stinker with no gore and a few "Carnosaur"-quality dinosaur movie effects, buuuut if you like scantily clad women and softcore sex (no judgments!!) then you may not need fast forward. Much.
     If I had a choice between watching this again, or watching Ringo Starr in "Caveman", I'd have to go with "Caveman", You've been warned.
Thanks Goat Scrote, There's no way I'd be able to sit through this USA "Up All Night" schlock fest, you are a hero in my book-Ed.

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